#censored because i will not speak his name

[time22kill]

anth*ny b*rch really took the "happy" out of "happy fathers day"

[elytrafemme]

every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't

[serrennedyanonwriter]

Istg, I’m going to just start revoking people’s rights to enjoying Lu!s as a character because I keep seeing whitewashed art of him, and people keeping saying “He looks so great!” NO, THE FUCK HE DON’T, HE’S BEEN MADE SHADES LIGHTER.

[hadesoftheladies]

female separatism isn’t about preference or “hating men.” i wish people would understand that separatism is vital to our health as women right now. one of the biggest things patriarchy has taken from us is MOBILITY and HEALTH. can you imagine a world where you wouldn’t be harassed for wanting to be tended to by only women? where female doctors and nurses that knew and prioritized female biology tended to you? streets where you could stroll and not feel a sliver of self-consciousness. where walking didn’t have to be a performance or a race from a man whistling at you?

i used to love going down to the river running at the bottom of the hill where my grandmother’s house sat. now I start to see more and more farm boys and farm men bathing in the spots I loved to rest in. I can’t be free even out there in the country. I have to be chaperoned. go in twos and threes. I can’t WANDER. i can’t run into the wild or bathe in the river. I can’t bask shirtless in the sun.

do women know how physically constrained we are? in corsets and brad and tight dresses because we must always prioritize aesthetics over happiness. we conflate approval and relief for joy. it drives me mad when I see the freedom men have. how wide their strides. how they can break out in a wrestle. how they aren’t taught to deform their bodies. how they are encouraged to nurture their physical power.

I wanted to go to the gymn by my neighbourhood, and my dad got annoyed with me. because it wasn’t safe. the only other segregated gymn in my whole city is miles away and unaffordable.

I taste separatism every time i sleepover at one of my sisters or we go on a retreat together. we can say anything. we relax. we bond and listen to each other. in all our different personalities.

but when there’s men in the conversation, everything becomes tedious. the banter becomes low hanging fruit. the conversation becomes competitive and thoughtless. it’s all about saying the most ludicrous thing for attention. it drags into politics of the worst kind.

and it poisons relationships. my sisters get a little meaner about other women. it’s so subtle and quick you wouldn’t notice it.

I long to be able to reach for women in history and not hunt for their names. not wade through the stories of their husbands or fathers before getting to them. I long for a world where female artists didn’t have to prostitute themselves for the male gaze, didn’t have to cripple their work by being nice to men.

even now in the modern age where information is more accessible than ever, you have to cut through so much noise to get to the voices of women. you have to cut through sob stories for killers and rapists before you get to the victims. you have to wade through male greats to get to their female predecessors.

if men aren’t talking over women, women are quieting themselves or too busy clamoring for another man’s attention, because his approval is power.

I want to show up to work without being condescended by a man who feels threatened by me. I am tired of censoring myself for male comfort.

who would I be, what could I do, if my movement, my body, my self-determination was not constantly suppressed. how many thoughts have I not allowed myself to think because the cost of speaking was too inconvenient?

cutting off male friends that violated my boundaries has already improved my quality of life, what would happen if I could be free of all of them?

I’d be healthier. happier. I’d be so much happier.

[firestorm09890]

stray canto vii part 1 thoughts (warning: long)

so many cool new designs!! it made me realize how few of interest we got in Canto VI. Then almost everything was pretty standard (classic maid and butler outfits, lots of suits, Cathy had a fancy dress at least? and everything was brown. yes I know, T Corp color drain, but still. and Öufi came before season 3 ended so that didn’t count), but this time we have Camille, the P Corp guys, Fanghunt Office, Hugo I guess, Hong Lu’s sister, the firefist guy? if he counts? he barely appeared, Sansón, and all the fancy dressed up bloodfiends. woo babey!!

speaking of Jia Xichun, I like her! She’s cute! I didn’t expect to see anyone related to Hong Lu, but in retrospect I probably should’ve, since his turn is next and his family is massive. I hope nothing bad happens to her. I've never read Dream of the Red Chamber

also speaking of Hugo, lol. lmao. when he was talking about pressing the button to get the reward I was like “oh hopkins 2, got it” and then Ryōshū sliced off his hands so I guess… not hopkins 2

ALSO the blonde Fanghunt guy is named Romero, which is apparently the name of a character in Vampire: The Masquerade. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was an intentional reference

Sinclair cursing that one guy out was so awesome. I remember when Canto V part 2 came out and he censored himself saying “Bitch Brother” people were worried that the new translators were making him softer than he actually was, but, nah, he tries his best to be a polite boy but when he’s actually genuinely pissed off he does not hold back. Ryōshū correcting him BUT THEN SAYING HIS INTERPRETATION WAS GOOD absolutely killed me. my son demands respect

it’s a good day to be a Leviathan fan

The scripted loss encounter was so cool. They set you to level 45 no matter what level your LCB Don is, and take away all your EGO except the base (which you can’t even use), and I don’t know how far you can actually get in this fight because I flipped tails every single time and lost every clash

let’s talk about the Barber! leave it to Project Moon to look at the character who didn’t have very much of a personality who stuck around with the priest and attempted multiple plans to bring Don Quixote back home so he could become sane again (and burned a bunch of Quixote’s chivalry books, also with the priest), and turned him into an insane vampire woman with big scissors and a shrill cackle who stitches masks onto people’s faces.

interesting choice to have Sancho and Dulcinea both named in a single line and then not acknowledged or mentioned again

Sansón! so based on his story log portrait background being bisexual, the blue name, and him resembling someone in Demian’s group in the Limbus Company PV, I feel confident saying he’s part of Demian’s Group. The spot where his Sign would be is covered by his mask, though, so no one in-universe knows

I think this is why Sinclair was cast in the role of the Knight of the White Moon: he also has the sign, which Sansón (who is the Knight of the White Moon) would be able to see, and even if other sinners have it too, they’re not Demian’s special guy. everyone else, though, seemed to be cast in the most humiliating role possible: horse to be ridden for Gregor, wild animal for Heathcliff, random peasant for Rodya, presumably homeless old person for Outis

ok Sansón. in the book, he’s a young college student who read the first part of Don Quixote and, in part 2, approaches Quixote saying he’s a big fan and encouraging him to go back out and do more knight stuff. However, he actually just thinks Don Quixote’s antics are very amusing and isn’t actually an earnest supporter, and is conspiring with the barber and priest to get Quixote back home to stay. the way they (priest and barber try to bring him home in part 1 is by tricking him with an adventure that’s conveniently in the same direction as their home village, but then they get sidetracked in an inn for a long time so they just put him in a cage and drive him home. in part 2, they want to play on Quixote’s terms for a more effective result. near the beginning of the second part, they have Sansón dress as a knight (called the Knight of Mirrors/Knight of the Forest. these titles have no significance in the book but apparently the mirror thing forces Quixote to see himself as the frail old man he is in Man of La Mancha), say his lady is fairer than Dulcinea to get Don Quixote to duel him, and then make Quixote promise to stay home for a year when he loses. however, Sansón is the one who loses, because he wasn’t expecting Quixote to actually be good at jousting. Later, near the very end, which iirc is 3 months after the first encounter, another knight called the Knight of the White Moon issues the exact same challenge to Don Quixote (it’s just Sansón again, and "White Moon" has no significance in the original book either), but this time Sansón wins, so Don Quixote goes home, dejected, and then becomes “sane” again and dies.

Since this Sansón is part of Demian’s group, I don’t think his intentions will be the same- the Barber was a bloodfiend, and he sees beyond the ambitions of the bloodfiends now- but it’s fun to know how he is in the source nonetheless

I really like how he didn’t show up after the Barber’s defeat to say something cryptic and then leave, he told us quite a bit, and though his methods were… questionable, he DID force the sinners to actually finally pay attention to Don Quixote

speaking of the stage play, I like the juxtaposition between Sansón’s play and the Barber’s. in a different context, what Sansón did might’ve been framed as horrifying, and we’d be talking about how uncanny and unreal this is, but I don’t think that’s the intention here. the sinners might be playing roles, and all the enemies are cardboard cutouts, but it’s better than putting targets on real people (though I guess they’re not “people”, they’re bad, bad, bloodfiends). the cheerful music in La Manchaland is distorted and out of place, while the stage play is nice in comparison. the music for the talking sections is a bit too upbeat for the situation, but the music during the battles really immerses you. guitar! trumpet! maraca! this music is clearly composed to emulate spanish music, and it’s very earnest, which I think is important, with how easily music sets tone in media.

in both cases, Don Quixote is in a delusion. nothing in the stage play of her adventures is real, but she’s also completely wrapped up in the narrative of evil bloodfiends without the knowledge that she is one. a violent nightmare and a peaceful dream, both of which she needs to wake up from.

they both do this thing with black-and-white thinking, too. there’s a difference between the “good” bloodfiends, which you should get along with, and the “bad” ones, which you need to kill (though Don sees them both as bad), and then the bandits in the stage play are cartoonishly evil and love to bully the weak. except it seems the first is the narrative the Barber wanted to sell, while the second is Don Quixote’s reality… I mean, the play is definitely inaccurate, but we’ve seen how Don behaves

if you follow me for kingdom hearts and are for some reason reading this you know how much I love Nobodies in kh. people who used to be human, but aren’t anymore, who look close enough but are different on an intrinsic and physiological level, that everyone automatically treats as unreasonable monsters that need to die when they’re more complicated than that… I love it so much, I’m cheering and clapping whenever bloodfiend morality is brought up. Moses said that Larierre was cordial and offered her a place to sit and talk, but then also said bloodfiends are insatiably hungry and you shouldn’t underestimate them. agh I love it

also THE MUSIIIIIC every fight theme so far has been a banger. songs that were already good but with typical carnival instruments, big brass swing, the aforementioned nice spanish music, and the fucked up and evil sequel to dubstep electroswing featuring evil laughter

and finally, the helm of mambrino. in early part 1 of Don Quixote, he sees a barber (COMPLETELY unrelated barber to the other barber btw) carrying a basin on his head, and thinks it’s the amazing mystical Helm of Mambrino, so he attacks the barber and steals the basin. Don Quixote wears it as a helmet a few times and everyone thinks it looks really stupid. they did not fight a bear for it, nor did they go into a cave. idk what this might actually be in the City. either we’ll see or we won’t

[sabrinbrin]

To no one's surprise the theme park nerd whose favourite character is the little purple mascot has fallen in love with the video game about a theme park with a little purple mascot. In addition to watching playthroughs and secrets videos about Indigo Park I also rewatched the character introduction video and noticed a few things: (spoilers for chapter 1 below!)

In Mollie's intro, UniqueGeese says that she's "a loyal bird who would do anything to protect her friends." This may be why she's the first one to face us, but also why she waits to take us down until after we fend off Lloyd. (While we technically don't see her head on until after then, she does show up multiple times on the train ride, including very close behind us in Lloyd's section, and probably could have killed us sooner if she wanted.) We weren't seen as a threat until our critter cuff causes Lloyd to flee in the theatre, and from there she may have decided to target us to try and protect everyone.

In the cast intro video UniqueGeese also speaks about how Mollie's his favourite, which makes it surprising that she's the first to die and makes me think that we're not done with her quite yet (though he did say on a recent livestream that we wouldn't be seeing her for the next few chapters, so this is just my speculation).

In Lloyd's intro, it states that he "struts across the stage with an air of arrogance that could rival any monarch. He's friends with the main cast, but he's really starting to push it." I think this may be why Rambley doesn't like him, and I wouldn't be surprised if we learn that other members of the cast dislike him too.

For some reason, Finley's intro censors that he collects sea shells. While it's understandable that some info aside from his name and image would be censored to preserve some mystery prior to the game's release, it strikes me as odd because it seems like a small and innocuous detail when stated in chapter 1. As well, Salem, a character who we are shown a lot less of and is still shrouded in mystery, has no extra details censored from their intro.

Not lore related but Salem uses they/them pronouns! Just wanted to add it because I've seen people online asking about their gender.

Speaking of Salem, their intro says that they're "quick, cunning, but try to hide it with their 'punk' exterior." Being quick and cunning don't strike me as things to be hidden with a punk exterior, and while I may just be looking deeper where I shouldn't, this leads me to think that Salem may have a softer side we haven't seen yet. This combined with the later note that they "can use countless inventions to get out of a sticky situation" makes me think that they may actually help us later on, despite their actions in the arcade game showcasing them as a villain.

My only note for Rambley is that his intro states he can get "a bit too excited, [but he's] always there for his friends" which fits what we've seen so far. I think he's trustworthy and just happy to see someone back in the park, and that if he does turn on us it will be against his will (though this is my own speculation and not from the intro).

Not from the character intros, but in another video (specifically the one about the knockoff merch), UniqueGeese says that we receive an item from Rambley in chapter 1 that will be used a lot more later on in the game. I think it's safe to say that's the critter cuff (as it's the only item we get from Rambley directly), and I'm curious to see what more it can do – so far, we know it can get us into various areas, fend off attacking mascots with a specific frequency (from Lloyd's encounter), and will eventually be able to resuscitate us (possibly being a checkoff's gun to be used later).

[cosmic-spider]

Jax x mexican fem reader

He finds you accent funny( if you have one.) especially when you pronounce stores and other thing.

 He finds it funny when you don’t remember the name of something and you just say  agárra me el dese.(get me the thing) it makes him giggle a bit every time.

On the other hand, he does hate it whenever you take off your shoe and start hitting him with it. (He still doesn’t understand how a slipper or a shoe can become a lethal weapon in less than two seconds.)

He still doesn’t understand how you’re able to hit him perfectly on the head when he’s trying to run away from you before you hit him.( later on starts to ask you how to do it so you can hit other people from far away for a prank)

He loves it whenever you sing in your language either in front of the others, or even just by yourself in your room when you think no one is listening to you.( Not that he will ever tell you he dose)

He keeps your room key very close to him at all times in case he hears you start singing in your room by yourself so he can just come in and or peep through the door and listen to you sing.

I also find it fascinating on how many different ways you can dance just one song. Still doesn’t understand how you can move your feet so fast or so fluently especially your hips.

Almost ever fight the two of you have is just you getting pissed off of his jokes, and you cussing him out in Spanish, which were some reason Caine has not censored. Then him yelling at you saying “I don’t speak Taco Bell! “And then you just get pissed off and just start hitting him with your slippers/shoe.

He does love your cooking on the other hand not that he would actually tell you directly. Every now and then he’ll give a comment, saying it was good, or nice. Will eat through the pain of the spicy food. ( Will be drinking so much milk and water that he can find the moment he get out of you eyesight.)

Still doesn’t understand the nickname you call him by conejo morado.( purple bunny)

As a s/o

Loves it whenever you come to his defense and cuss whoever is bothering him. It warms is heart seeing you do that. You’re actually defending. He covered his face whenever you ask him if he’s OK since he’s blushing under the covered up part of his face with his hand.

Find that funny whenever something goes wrong on the dates that you make for the two of you.

Some of the stories about how you grow up and how your siblings active during parties in for piñata’s terrifying him.

Especially since he’s not a kid person. He could just imagine the horror trying to take care of kids that Literally run around and hit each other over candy that comes out of a piñata.( Wonders how you even survive that growing up)

Find the face smashing into birthday cake, tradition hilarious. Wants to try it on you until you told him the story where you literally gave your cousin a blackeye because of it.( things twice about ruining your birthdays now.)

Purposely does things to piss you off just so you can cause I’m out in Spanish he just stays there and looks at you with a smirk, face and flirts with you more to get your even more pissed off try to run away afterward, but gets hit in the head with a slipper.

Absolutely adores it  whenever you make  pan dulce (Mexican sweet breed.) Hid favorite is conchas, galletas, cono, y poquito with some coffee in the morning.

Finds the stories, you tell him about cookouts, funny and entertaining, especially on long and boring days that he has or when you tell him that someone got into a fight.

Both of you start drama and problems for the others. Then watch it on falls on the sidelines. 

Is always impressed on how fast you can run whenever someone gets abstracted. ( like he’s a rabbit and he can run pretty fast, but damn, can you out run him any day)

Hates it whenever you start the cleaning ritual every Sunday or what you believe. It’s a Sunday.(especially when you start singing and blasting music out of nowhere, or when you go into his room, even though he had all the keys and other ways to get into his room.) Its his nightmare

[chewbaxter]

The Irony of calling Chris Eccleston “anti-woke” is consistently funny to me.

I'm not censoring the channel name because he's an "Anti-Woke" clickbait channel, so who cares?

Anyway, Chris isn't "Anti-Woke" because he dislikes RTD; he dislikes him and the BBC because during the 2005 shootings of S1, they were terrible to the crew, and when Chris tried to stand up for them, he was essentially fired and shut off by the BBC; consequently almost ruining his acting career and putting him in a depressive state. In the Con clip the channel is pulling from, Chris just said, "I hate RTD because I don't like his creative choices", and yet the anti-woke crowd immediately misinterprets it as "woke bad", and it just proves how out of sync they are with how TV shows/movies are made.

Chris Eccleston is a proud Socialist. He's an Anti-Monarchist. He's an ambassador for The Big Issue, often speaking out about the class system and how everyone should be seen as equals. He's anything BUT Anti-Woke. Those who believe otherwise don't know him and don't get to co-opt him into their hateful ideology just because they agree on one thing. They hate RTD because he's "made Doctor Who woke"; Chris hates RTD because of what happened back when the reboot was first shot. They are not the same.

[decadentpostnachos-evil-twin]

Back on my bullshit again.

I recently found this gem in a tumblr comment-section:

(I censored the names bc I'm German and all, and because we don't want to hate on people here, it's just their statements.)

I'm honestly not totally sure how to word my thoughts on this.

It's giving 'How dare former colonies be angry with the British, who hoard their cultural assets and exhibit them in museums?'

How dare Tarquin be angry at Feyre and Rhysand for coming to his Court, allegedly to form an alliance and befriend him in a way, only to decieve him and steal what is most likely his most valuable artifact?

I have a huge problem with that arc in maf in general, because what the fuck was that? Tarquin was nothing but welcoming towards them, and if they had properly explained to them what their agenda was- which you do if you want people to trust you, I'm convinced he would have given it to them.

But no, it's easier to act like you want to screw him and gain his trust with sob stories and flirting and whatnot and then just steal the book from him, nearly kicking the bucket in the process.

And why is he still angry in ACOWAR? Because he has the right to be! If someone came to your home and acted like your friend, and then stole one of the most valuable, if not the most valuable thing you own. Would you not be angry? Even if they helped you after, in another situation.

And let's be real, if this happened to the NC, whoever would have stolen from them in that hypothetical situation, would've ended up being vilified for the rest of the series.

Tarquin "insulting" Feyre is btw the following exchange:

This is the first time Tarquin speaks in acowar. Honestly? This is hardly insulting. This is literally stating facts. It's not talking down or belittling, he's just pointing out the consequences of what she canonically did.

And side note: Pretty sure he doesn't want Feyfey after that stunt she pulled.

In general, acting like Tarquin is whipped for her is pretty delulu. I'm not gonna deny that he may have found her attractive during maf, before she went "burglar" on him, but after that? No way.

Also: "He's a baby High Lord" ????? What's Feyre then? An embryo High Lady?

[Edit: See the ongoing call in the background? That's me ranting to my cousin about this lol]

[loganswdc]

hi y’all !! i’m getting to my inbox messages , i promise , but i saw that it's been confirmed that logan and j*mes aren't on speaking terms , and that's genuinely insane to me . and yes i will be censoring his name from now on because i am pissed off !!!

especially considering how chipper j*mes has been recently , piping up on logan's radio as often as he can to tell him how wonderful he's doing after that article . i'm not saying it isn't true ; it's been confirmed by marcus ericsson on the swedish podcast viaplay F1 .

i personally find it ridiculous to see that a team principal is no longer speaking with his own driver . that , for whatever reason , he dislikes logan so much that it's lead to this . and the mistreatment of logan will continue . just wait until we find out in two weeks that alex's new teammate isn't logan , and better yet logan might even be replaced after the summer break . it's absolute heinous for him to be continuously treated this way , and it's absolutely infuriating . to see logan continue to be treated like this makes my blood boil . i genuinely am beginning to believe that they only kept logan on the team because of the fanbase and american sponsors he brought in . and to think that could be true is actually insane . it's incredible to me that a team principal can be so conceited that this is what his relationship looks like with a driver . that he only speaks to him and is kind for pr reasons , as we've clearly seen . and it makes me both so sad and so pissed off for logan . he genuinely deserves SO MUCH better .

the quote from the podcast , as has been translated to english , is as follows:

"I was also told this weekend by some American friends who know Sargeant that it is... He doesn't have fun in that team either. He thinks it's really hard and apparently so are he and James Vowles. They don't even talk to each other, it's hardly that they greet each other. There has been a complete disconnection between them."

please excuse any errors that may have transpired through translation ; i don't know swedish and had to use an online translator !

here is a link to a twitter post where the quote above is said (again , in swedish): https://x.com/F1_Tracktion/status/1815802308208254998

if anyone speaks swedish and can better translate the quote , please do ! it would be greatly appreciated so i can update the translation and i'll be sure to credit you for it !!💓

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Okay I just watch digital circus because of your post and it was a blast and I love the character and the idea of a scenario came to me

Caine, Pomni, Jax, Ragatha, with an actor reader who loves to play into the adventures and play NPCs to set up the immersion maybe even write up some ideas for Adventures to make things more fun

Anyways have a great day night whatever and thanks for the fun writings

Thank you! Hope I did your ask justice!

Caine, Pomni, Jax and Ragatha x Reader who makes NPCs and writes

Caine

★ He really appreciates your help! It's hard work making up games for everyone to play while taking into account everyone's preferences. No matter how much you protest, he will use each and every idea you come up with.

★ Caine sets up a little studio for you to work in. It's filled with paper, multiple typewriterband all sorts of art supplies. Maybe some clay for you to build some models of a character you want to create?

★ You're NPCs are always great and often end up being a hit with the others. By that I mean the gang tolerates them more than his NPCs. You manage to give them more personally than he could have ever given.

★ If you somehow get Zooble to join in the fun he will congratulate you for doing a good job. His hat is off to you, you did something he thought was impossible. Now only if you could get Zooble to stop trying to swear...

★ I know the NPCs don't have any ai but Gooseworx confirmed that Bubble is a much simpler AI created by Caine. Therefore, he can theoretically make one of your characters come to life.

Pomni

★ At first she thought that the characters you make were real people. Once you told her that they were nothing but glorified puppets she had to question the sentience of everyone she's met so far.

★ You gotta make this girl a therapist. Aside from that it doesn't take her long to start asking questions about why you like to make different characters and stories.

★ She's not as creative as you, doesn't really understand the appeal of creating something like you do. The most she can do is come up with a few names.

★ Despite knowing that they aren't real people, Pomni still apologizes to the NPCs. It's force of habit. Maybe you could add some dialogue for if/when someone apologizes for something?

★ If we're being completely honest, she doesn't really like any of the NPCs. It just feels wrong when she needs to talk to them for something. It's like speaking to one of those robotic pre-recorded messages over the phone.

Jax

★ He's extra mean to the NPCs you make, just because he can. He knows that they can't get offended or upset but he doesn't care. They will be getting pushed into the mud.

★ When you decide to scrap an old character he gladly helps. The moment you say you need to get rid of it he's reaching for the nearest baseball bat. No need to worry about cleaning up 👍

Jax when the NPC starts to annoy him

★ Jax thinks it's funny when you get upset over him being mean to a NPC because you've grown attached to some of them.

★After that he asks you what you plan to make next. Can you blame him for being curious? Jax wants to know what you're planning before anyone else. Don't worry, he can keep a secret.

★ As a "joke" he told you to try and make a NPC that Caine would need to heavily censor. Just to see what the ringmaster would do. Whatever you made that day was thrown into the cellar.

Ragatha

★ She likes to watch you make different characters for certain situations. Caine wants to set up a fishing adventure? Best believe you are making an NPC who's a fisherman to set up the immersion.

★ You might overwork yourself while trying to come up with a game for everyone to play. Ragatha sometimes needs to step in to tell you to take a break. There's no use overworking yourself, go take a break!

★ She really wants everyone to have fun with the adventures you put together. There's no doubt that she loves them. Also she's the first person to yell at Jax for being mean to the NPCs.

[fangirleaconmigo]

I've been going through some of your posts about Geralt and Dandelion's friendship in the books recently because... well I'm back in my book/game phase I guess and I really wanted to know if there are any other Dandelion friendships you like from the books and why? Like him and Zoltan or with the other Hansa etc? [Personally I'm a big fan of what little we see of him with Regis and it always makes me weepy that he wrote a biography about him in the games and fondly remarks abt him smelling like herbs all the time]

Awww yayy thanks for spending some time on the ol blog. I absolutely love this question. I don't get to talk enough about Emiel Regis Rohellec Terzieff-Godefroy, and his relationship with Dandelion (for the newbies, that is Jaskier's name in the books) is so lovely.

Dandelion and Friendships

For those who are just joining us, Tea is talking about my series about Geralt and Dandelion's friendship in the books.

I have also written posts about Dandelion's friendships with Ciri and Zoltan:

Dandelion and Ciri

Dandelion and Zoltan

And for this post, I'll focus on Regis and Dandelion's friendship, which I absolutely love.

Dandelion and Regis Friendship (books)

What really strikes me about Regis and Dandelion, is just how patient and kind Regis is with Dandelion. Sometimes it is almost like he’s dealing with a child he cares about. Considering Regis’s age (over four centuries old), Dandelion (approx in his thirties when they meet) IS a child. 

On top of that, Dandy’s personality is rife with traits often associated with kids:

insatiable curiosity to the point where he endangers his own life, (when they go into the forest or sea, Geralt has to essentially, follow right behind him like you would a toddler),

hyper enthusiasm about every discovery he makes, (he whispers in awe when he sees mandrake for the first time, that’s just how he reacts to everything new)

his inability to censor himself or stop asking questions even when everyone else wants him to shut up (he will ask until he understands, no matter the social cues happening)

the way he will act incredibly transparent and awkward while thinking he is being subtle and smooth

Perhaps that is why Regis seems to be so indulgent of him. And somehow their personalities just fit naturally.

Regis’s most annoying trait is to lecture people at length like a professor and cut people off who are asking a question, since he is too eager to answer it. The vampire loves to hold forth on a topic.

Dandelion’s annoying trait (one of many, bless, we know he can't keep it in his pants either) is to ask questions incessantly. In that way, they really kind of fit together. 

Geralt loses patience when Dandelion is being socially inappropriate by asking too many questions. Geralt really values discretion and manners.

Regis is more willing to spend time explaining things and to open up.

Early in the hansa's time together, (before he manages to surprise folks several times over) Dandelion is often seen as the one who is in way over his head. Everyone else is a warrior or a soldier. Dandelion is the soft one. To add to the indignity, Geralt is angry at him during Baptism of Fire because Dandelion keeps forcing him to make friends (well, to ask for help)

Yet Regis, the new guy, is the one who always makes sure Dandelion isn't embarrassed or ashamed.

Here’s a few examples.

When Dandelion is given a bloody head wound by an arrow, the poet is howling and shrieking. He thinks he's dead already. He is not a stoic man. It is played comedically, but Geralt is also legitimately terrified that he will lose Dandelion. That bit is not played comedically.

But given the circumstances, the rest of them could be forgiven for rolling their eyes at the poet's dramatics.

But Regis (who is treating his wounds as the resident barber surgeon) does not.

Regis speaks to him so soothingly, and kindly. (I am omitting the Geralt dramz because I will get off topic lol)

Dandelion groaned and took a sharp intake of breath....

“I’ll put in a few stitches,” Regis said...”Be brave, Dandelion.”

Dandelion was brave.

“Almost done here,” Regis said, setting about bandaging the victim’s head. “Don’t you worry, Dandelion, you’ll be right as rain. The wound’s just right for a poet, Dandelion. You’ll look like a war hero, with a proud bandage around you head, and the hearts of the maidens looking at you will melt like wax. Yes, a truly poetic wound....”

And when it is revealed that Regis is a vampire, and Dandelion is afraid of him, Regis is incredibly patient and kind about the whole thing. He does not take offense. Geralt does! (Ironic, considering Geralt ran Regis off, but Geralt, bless, is dealing with a clusterfuck of feelings about the vampire and everything else going on in his life.)

But yes, after Geralt tells Dandelion about Regis, Dandelion is scared, and wants to seek reassurance. But the poet (unbeknownst to him it seems) is awkward and bad at it. He tries to bring up the issue with the subtlety of a sledge hammer.

Dandelion...deciding to clear up the uncertainty..began as soon as they set off. With his usual tact.

(I like that. His usual tact. Meaning, zero tact lmaoooooo.)

“Milva,” he suddenly called as they were riding, sneaking a glance at the vampire as they were riding, sneaking a glance at the vampire. “...I fancy eating a hunk of real meat for a change! How about you, Regis?”

Yeah. Real subtle Dandelion.

“I beg your pardon?’ the vampire said, lifting his head from the horse’s neck. 

“Meat!” the poet repeated emphatically. “...fancy some fresh meat?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And blood. Would you like some fresh blood?”

“Blood?” Regis asked, swallowing. “No. I’ll decline the blood. But if you have a taste for some, feel free.”

Geralt, Milva and Cahir observed an awkward, sepulchral silence.

I love that. Awkward sepulchral silence. Dandelion causes a lot of those. But Regis does not dismiss him or laugh. He reassures him.

“I know what this is about, Dandelion,” Regis said slowly, “And let me reassure you. I’m a vampire, but I don’t drink blood.”

The silence became as heavy as lead. But Dandelion wouldn’t have been Dandelion if he had remained silent.

But Dandelion wouldn’t have been Dandelion if he had remained silent. (sorry I am laughing every other line at this part)

“You must have misunderstood me,” he said, seemingly lightheartedly. “I didn’t mean-”

“I don’t drink blood,” Regis interrupted. “...I gave it up.”

Dandelion doesn’t know what that means and keeps pestering Regis to explain. Geralt is embarrassed and tells Dandy to shut up.

However, Regis opens up around the camp fire that night. He tells his life story, and says he hasn’t drank blood in fifty years. Dandelion is incredulous. 

“Not at all?” Dandelion said, and stuttered. But his curiosity got the best of him. “Not at all? Never? But...?”

Geralt is embarrassed again and shuts him down again. Regis, by contrast, is patient and defends Dandelion.

“I beg your pardon,” the poet grunted.

“Don’t apologize,” the vampire said placatingly, “And Geralt, don’t chasten him. I understand his curiosity.”

Baptism of Fire 291-295

That's right. Don't chasten him Geralt.

Regis and Dandelion also just have a wonderful dynamic of picking on each other.

Dandelion teases Regis about his long ass name.

And Regis has a great time teasing Dandelion lovingly. In one scene, Geralt and Regis team up to pick on Dandelion and the secretive way he treats his writing. Dandelion has stolen some paper and pencil from a Lyrian military convoy and is writing whenever they make camp, but gets testy whenever anyone gets near him or looks at his manuscript.

Geralt is good-naturedly giving Dandelion a hard time and Regis jumps in with such adorable relish. (Also, in this scene, we find out that Regis actually named Dandelion's memoirs)

"Indeed," the witcher joined in...."You've become devilishly touchy, Dandelion. One cannot fail to notice that it is somehow connected to the paper which you have recently begun to deface with a bit of lead while we camp." “It’s true,” Regis agreed, “our minstrel has become touchy, not to say secretive, discreet, and loving of solitude recently. Oh no, having witnesses when performing his natural needs doesn't bother him at all...His shameful secrecy and oversensitivity to being watched extends solely to his scribbled notes. Is, perhaps, a poem being written in our presence? A rhapsody? And epic? A romance? A canzone?”

He's like, you don't care who sees you piss and shit, but oh this you care about. lol. Tell us about the poem. But Geralt objects.

“No,” Geralt retorted...”I know him. It can’t be verse, because he’s not cursing, mumbling, or counting the syllables on his fingers. He’s writing in silence, so it must be prose.”

“Prose!” The vampire flashed his pointed fangs - which he really tried not to do. “A novel perhaps? Or an essay? A morality play? Dammit, Dandelion! Don’t torture us so! Reveal what you are writing?”

Dandelion says it is a memoir called Fifty Years of Poetry. Regis says that A Half Century of Poetry sounds better.

“Thanks, Regis, Something constructive at last.”

P 88 -90 The Tower of the Swallow

I admit I'm such a sucker (hehe no pun intended) for whenever Regis's fangs are mentioned, whether he is hiding them, baring them, or unselfconsciously showing them during a warm, silly moment with his friends. (Sobs, I love this vampire, seriously I need an intervention)

Regis also comforts Dandelion openly when the poet is doubting his courage or fitness for a task.

Later in the book, Geralt volunteers for a bloody job/violence for hire that terrifies Dandelion, so the poet protests the plan. Geralt insists he’ll do it alone.

But no! He has a hansa now! He won't be alone! Angoulême volunteers to go. Cahir says he’s coming with as well. Then Milva insists she is coming.

Dandelion freezes.

It would be like the LOTR ‘and my bow and my axe’ yadda yadda scene, but if there was one person left and when it got to them, everyone turned around and looked and they are just standing there frozen like....motherfuck this is scary idk idk wtf do I do. And the way this next paragraph is written, it pleases me.

Dandelion...was evidently struggling with his thoughts. And the thoughts were winning.

lmaooo

And Regis jumps in "kindly." He shows solidarity with Dandelion, and takes the heat by calling himself a coward.

“Stop meditating, poet,” Regis said kindly. For there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re even less cut out to participate in a bloody swordfight than I am. We weren’t taught to carve up our neighbors with a blade. Furthermore...furthermore..,” he raised shining eyes towards Geralt and Milva, “I’m...a coward,” he confessed curtly.

They keep arguing amongst themselves because Geralt believes they have been spied on. And Regis is just...always soft with Dandelion. When Dandelion starts guessing about who is spying on them, and is beginning to ramble incorrectly,

“You’re mistaken, Dandelion,” Regis softly interjected.

The Tower of the Swallow p 182

It's Regis's gentleness that just fuckn kills me. That's always the character that's gonna get me right between the ribs with a shank. (Metaphorically, Regis is too gentle for that)the one that lives in a horror filled, violent, cruel world and is still just kind, even to the loud, awkward, soft, obnoxious poet who is in over his head and is afraid you'll bite him in his sleep and who shrieks when he is wounded.

Geralt and Dandelion are so sassy and old/married with each other, deeply, proudly loving in actions, but always bickering.

It's sweet to see Dandelion have a friendship like the one he has with Regis.

It is so nice to hear that the games continued his love of Regis. (I haven't played them, so I get my info about them from you guys XD)

So thanks again for following me and for the ask! I hope I've done ok answering. I also love Dandy's dynamic with Nenneke and ofc Yen, but I'll stop there.

Hope your week goes really well. x

[technologyculturedneo]

Censored: Fact Check. Lee Taeyong

"I trusted you, and you couldn't even protect me."

Pairing: mafia!Taeyong X reporter!Reader

Synopsis: Life takes a sharp turn into the wrong corner when you realise that the man you’ve been with for 3 years has lied to you about who he really is.

Genre. Angst. Mafia and gangs. Dark romance.

Warnings. Angst. Blood scenes. Killings.

News:

"Criminal activities continue to manifest in Kwangya City. With cases and reports being filled day, night and regularly by the hour, as drug exporters, mob executioners and many more corrupt the streets. Legal advisors of Kwangya inform and advice fellow citizens to keep off the streets and stay indoors. However that has proved to be impossible because we are a function city fully based on people working manual and physical jobs.” You read the script stationed on the screen before you turn to your co-host. “This is insanity. Renjun can you believe the chaos going on?"

“It’s absolutely devastating to face this period blindly and not knowing what could happen to any of us. By the hour we've been hearing that citizens are getting kidnapped, houses are being raided, people, and to think that it's happening to different types of people. We could even be victims.” Renjun shakes his head in disbelief turning his gaze off the camera to glance at at his co-worker, you, in the eye. "According to reports made by various sources, the people of Kwangya should be extremely careful or they might be victims in uncalled-for events. That's what it is, uncalled-for and dangerous acts. But what I'm curious about is that Neo City and Kwangya City are close by the border, do you think that perhaps the mob bosses, dealer kings and corroborated mafia leaders of The Neo City are behind this whole scene?"

"I'll have to say Renjun, there seems to be a link between the crimes and patterns that the officers have picked up on, and with closer examinations I can say confidently that I'm sure this is planned by the Neo City corroborated Mafia Leaders. The pattern being the letter 'N' being carved in cites that have been raided. But then again I could be wrong," You turn to the camera. "After the break we'll report live from Kwangya streets to hear what locals and shop owners have to say about the disturbance of the neighboring city. It is now 19:30 and you're watching Channel 5 news."

A man dressed in all black walks inside an electronics store purchasing a burner phone. He walks out the store and drags his cigarette watching the news report outside another television appliances store puffing out air. He fishes for his phone puffing out the air that was from the bud, using an untraceable sim he requests a call on the new purchased phone. The phone instantly connects. "Peaches," He speaks with encryption to 'peaches'.

"Octopus," Peaches answers with confirmation at the same time speaks with encryption to 'octopus'. "Do you have eyes on the girl?"

"Vague eyes on the girl," the man 'octopus' responds. "But I've got clear eyes on the location."

"Name of girl?"

"Y/n."

The receiver notes down. "Do not engage with the girl, wait for further orders."

The man cuts the call removing the sim from the phone returning it to the store swapping it for a different phone. He moves outside towards the tv store continuing to watch from the outside seeing the news channel is back. He keeps his gaze on the female speaker also known as Y/n.

A few minutes later you and your coworker announce your departure and end the news reports. His phone buzzes in his pocket causing him to immediately check it. Signalling that he should be on the move.

.

There's so much chaos in the city, so much involuntary movements are being done, yet on your end you commit the biggest crime by walking during late hours. It's high time you get a car, because you might not know if you're next. It's a serious situation and you of all people (who report the facts) know that the night city is not a time you should be lingering outside.

But being on guard, the moment you're dropped off by your bus, you quickly make your way home. Walking through your residential area, you get side tracked by the twinkling of the stars and how bright they look tonight. Back then looking at the stars was peaceful, but now looking at the stars while being unattentive to your surroundings only brings trouble.

You can't stop looking to them but it's until you turn a corner and walk straight on the avenue of your house, you notice that there's a person on the sidewalk leaning against a lamp post.

What's weird is that he's got his eyes on you.

You look away from him ignoring the feeling in you that you've seen him before...but you can't pin point where.

•

"The weirdest thing happened tonight babe," You rinse your mouth thoroughly before leaving your toothbrush in its case. Walking back into your joined room whereby your boyfriend, Taeyong, is casually on the bed flipping through the channels, you smile while removing your pajama pants being left in your sexy underwear while wearing his baggy shirt.

"What happened?" He sits up leaning on his elbow. "On a side note, what do you wanna do tonight?"

"I don't know," you shrug your shoulders laying down on the bed next to him. "You're the one who came suddenly and uninvited, what do you wanna do?"

He lets out a dry chuckle. "I can't come and see my girlfriend anymore without getting formal permission? Noted." He tries to get a kiss but you ignore him, laughing slightly. "I missed you, though. Couldn't control my urge tonight. After all the effort to see you and nearly getting killed by my boss, I don't even get a kiss? Ouch," He gets playfully sulky.

You grin hiding your face behind a pillow looking at him. "On second thought, I wanna kiss you. Can I do that?"

He pulls the pillow down leaning his face closer. "Do what you want with me babe. Tonight I'm all yours?"

"I just..." You smile looking at him in awe. "I missed you so much,"

"I missed you too," He returns the smile. "I couldn't wait to see you tonight. And it's not just because I think we might make out, but seriously I missed you. Lately, I've been wondering about a lot of things. And you mostly came up in my mind. We've been together for almost 3 years but I can't shake this feeling inside of me. You're my forever,"

Your lips quirk upwards holding onto his shoulders, you get closer to his face and plant a kiss on his lips. "I love you Tae,"

"I love you more then you'll ever know, babe," Taeyong grins pulling you in for another kiss. You lay there holding him as he strokes your hair while he continues kissing you. He pulls away from the kiss only slightly leaving it open and kisses along your jaw line slowly trailing down to your neck. He sucks on your collarbone eliciting a moan from your throat.

He looks up at you, eyes filled with lust and you lean back giving him better access to your neck. Your fingers thread through his hair massaging into his scalp. He pulls away from your neck and places butterfly kisses all along the column of your neck, you shudder and squirm under him as his tongue licks the underside of your ear. "I've been thinking." He says in between kisses.

"What?" Your mind fuzzy with his intoxicating lips of pleasure.

"We should get out of here. Go to another city, or country, start new," He lips merge again with yours and he leans on the bed looking at you. "What do you say?"

"You wanna leave Kwangya?"

"It's bloody murderous now days," Taeyong states. "These days people are running for their lives, and I just don't want to lose you by accident. Anything can happen, and I don't want that to happen to you. I work at Neo City, so I'm not always here to protect you, but I want us to leave. We can find another place to stay, keep a low profile, what do you say? "

You giggle lightly while wrapping your arms around his neck. "As much as I wanna leave this damn city, I can't leave my dad just yet." You mummer. "I know he's my adoptive dad and I shouldn't care, like the way you've been telling me not to care...but this man has done so much for me. He's my dad Ty, and I have to make sure he's safe."

Taeyong looks in between your eyes and sighs softly. "Then how about we move with him?"

"Move with him?" You arch your eyebrow and shake your head finding his plea a joke. You lean in close to get back into kissing him but then recognition dawns upon you. "That's who he looks like!"

You sit up straight on the bed, stretching your body towards the opposite side of your nightstand taking your phone and gliding through some pictures.

"Uhm? Kiss babe? What happened?" Taeyong pouts when you turn your head towards him. "And what are you talking about?"

"That's what I actually wanted to talk to you about," You answer him, recalling the incident that happened. Crossing your legs and holding up your phone to his view you urge him to take it. "Keeping sliding left,"

"A few weeks ago there was a man who entered the company wanting to see the boss, aka my dad. He didn't take it too well that my dad wasn't available and began causing a ruckus. Security had him pinned and began dragging him out, but he kept coming once in a while still looking for the boss. The weird thing is, I saw him again. I don't know... but he kept looking at me. Is it strange?"

Taeyong says nothing looking intensely at your phone at the picture of the man who kept bursting at the place. He grumbles lowly as a dangerous bass leaves his mouth. "Shit."

"Babe?" You tilt your head to the side seeing his serious expression. "Are you okay?"

His eyes look up intensely and furiously that your heart shivers causing you to gently lay a hand on his knee. That seems to snap him out of the raging face before he looks normal...well anxious again. "I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you,"

"You look frightening. Do you know him or something? What's wrong? Are you okay?" You ask again rubbing hand on his knees as he also sits up crossing his legs, visibly looking annoyed.

"I don't like how close you were. Did he do anything to you?" He asks raising his brow.

"No," You shake your head. "He didn't do any anything to me on that day, but today-"

"You saw him again?" His voice gets louder.

"Yeah, I was walking home and I noticed him staring at me. Maybe it was absentmindedly but it didn't look like that,"

"They know where you live. Shit."

Taeyong hurriedly gets up from the bed going over to curtains pulling them apart, before you can even have time to digest his sudden change of behavior and attitude. You get up on your knees wanting to ask who knows where you live, yet a bizarre sight freezes you in place. The view instantly consumes you with its bright flashing lights and a loud car engine roars drastically screeching and getting closer and closer to your bedroom balcony. Your mind is slow to process- however when Taeyong leaps out of the way vigorously gripping your wrist and pulling your shocked body- you have no choice but to support yourself and regain balance to try and run already hearing the walls of your bedroom bricking down- crashing down. You scream gripping Taeyong with your other hand, but he's quick in lifting you up in one swift move placing you onto his back - you rapidly straddle him from the back holding onto his neck due to the fast pace he's running at.

"Hold on tight!" He yells before his legs swing over the wooden fence around your house. His hole body bucks when he's running and have to hold yourself severely because you feel like with all his sharp movements you could fall off. He's running so fast and sharply.

But it's not long before the angry tires screeches and demolition of your house is in progress. Peeking back there's only heavy clouds of dust all around your tarnished house and rapid angry rolling tires still trudging towards you guys.

"Babe what's happening!?" You yelp now hearing bullet sounds of gunshots shooting up from behind. Taeyong's feet move rapidly that you begin to bounce up and down at every street jump he makes. You hold him tighter closing your eyes. "I'm scared! I'm scared!"

"Fuck." You hear Taeyong curse lowly.

You look back in the dark night no longer seeing the car but running figures. Two! "They're running Taey!" You tell him but the warning is short lived when Taeyong accidentally falls down a short ledge throwing you off guard and off his shoulders

"Taey!" Your back hits the floor hard when a sharp shot hits his leg making him roll down the short cliff leading to the park down below.

"T-Taeyong!" Your bare less feet regain composer and you get off the ground running towards the edge- you're about to go down but your hair spikes as someone pulls you backwards from behind. "OW!"

Your eyes widen as you turn back to the man that just pulled your hair- it's him. It's that man!

"Please?!" You scream out loud when he presses the cold barrel of the gun on the side of your temple.

He pulls down his mask revealing a blunt smirk. "So you're the bitch that has him falling like a pussy,"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Please let me go."

"In that case, you should've let me see your boss that day." He comments. "Because now, you've just made shit difficult."

"I'm sorr-"

Strike!

The last thing you remember before your eyes lost conscious was his enormous fist colliding with your face. Maybe you're still hazy from the hit or maybe it's you're mind playing games with you, however you almost swear that you feel your body being thrown in the back of the car while hearing your name being called. Called by Taeyong.

He's screaming- yelling your name. Your head feels too heavy to lift up, but when you do the car's already driving away with a drenched Taeyong chasing after.

"Taey? Taeyong. Taeyong!" Your body snaps up banging the window and pulling the trigger of the door to open, but it's locked.

"Make her shut up Yuta."

Your wandering eyes search the dark car but just like that- another jaw breaking punch sets you falling backwards in your seat losing touch of your senses and what's happening around you.

•

"Rise and shine sweetheart. Your day has just begun."

Your ears manage to catch the muffled voices verifying them into words that you can actually understand. A sharp pain makes itself known the moment that your eyes snap open. You're laying flat on the stone cold floor feeling pain on your face. Your throat is horses as you try to make a sound. It doesn't work especially when you feel your hair pulled back forcing you to sit up as you hold onto the hand that harshly grips your hair. A loud yelp as well as tears emerge instantly reminding you of the distortion of last night.

The darkness in the room makes itself known but you try to adjust your eyes to the man infront of you. The man doesn't give you much of a chance as he yanks your hair laughing in your face. "Oh wow! Did I do that? Jaehyun look at this, I'm almost as good as you,"

Your throat is parched and you have a massive headache. You try to speak but your lip is split making it hard and you feel your jaw has intense pain. Instead you look into his eyes only seeing dots of black spots and blurry sights.

"Taeyong has taste. She's hot."

"Looks like one of his whores." the other standing figure states moving closer.

Your mind wonders to what's going on but it's hard to piece the pieces when your head throbs hard and all you can think about is nothing but the pain. He lets your hair go and like a pin dropping your whole face and front slam back to the floor weakly. "Ah,"

You let out a small cry making the other standing guy grabbing your neck forcing you up and yanking you. Your voice weakens and you hold in your cry as fear raises in you. He says nothing only glaring at you and you hiccup breathing unevenly feeling your lips quivering. He grips tighter evoking a new wave of panic. He doesn't even need to say anything, his eyes say it all. If you make another sound you won't like the outcome.

He drops you to the floor and having no balance or support, your body tramples weakly on the ground. You close your eyes forcing the tears to stay in, wishing and praying for Taeyong to save you. You don't know what has happened over the course of the previous hours. All you know is that Taeyong seemed to know before hand what was happening. What even is happening? You're proven right when a third party enters the room shortly....it's not even a room. The more you like the wider the grey space looks. It's large too, with only small square windows at the top. It's looks like only a giant can reach up there and no normal human being.

"Guys, he's here. He's really here." The new guy who enters marvels in a cocky manner. "I thought he would've taken longer."

"How could he take long? When the last thing he saw was his bitch in Jaehyun's arms." Another dark chuckle from his end. "She's a fine piece, there's no way he could take long to get back to here, so of course he'd come by in a blink of an eye."

"Where is he now?" The other guy asks.

"With the boss."

.

"You finally remembered us," Johnny smirks when Taeyong bursts into his office looking furious as hell. The entire night he spent running on foot to get to the Gates of Hell, also known as the headquarters of The Neo City Mafia Leaders. From where you live all the way to Neo city takes at least 3 hours while driving, but by foot it takes longer, so seeing Taeyong in his office panting and sweating, Johnny can just feel how much taking you hostage means to Taeyong.

"Where is she?" Taeyong asks fisting his fist and glaring at Johnny.

Johnny throws a picture on the table causing Taeyong to pick it up. It's a picture of himself and you, kissing. "Yuta took this picture moments before they crushed into her house. You look too relaxed don't you think?"

"But before we get to her, let's talk business." Johnny gets up from his desk and tilts his head at Taeyong. "2 missions have passed. Where did you hide off to?"

Taeyong refrains from rolling his eyes. "I was at home."

"You mean at that bitch's house."

Taeyong wants to curse Johnny for calling you however he wanted to call you,  but he can't because Johnny is still his boss and the Leader of the Neo City Mafia Leaders. So he simply clutches his fist stronger and turns a deaf ear to any insults regarding you.

"You're disappearance has not been sitting well with me. Not only did you miss two missions but you've neglected your duties as vice." Johnny states. "You can imagine how pleased I was to have finally found your little bitch. I sent Yuta and Jaehyun to get her. But word tells me that you were actually at that little bitch's house, proven by that photo."

"She has nothing to do with this Johnny. She's innocent-"

"In my book she's already committed a crime. If she can make you neglect two missions, then there's something wrong with her." He smirks. "She has to pay."

"Please-"

"For hell's sake she's even making you say shit like that. 'Please?' did you really just say that?" Johnny fixes the buttons around his wrist. He picks up the remote on the table switching on the tv to a basement that's very familiar to Taeyong. It's the torture chamber. Inside the spacious grey room he sees you on the floor in the baggy shirt he came over with and your black laced underwear, on one side Yuta stands there tilting his head from side to side with his hands buried in his back pockets and near the door leaning on the wall is Jaehyun who's got his eye on you.

Johnny presses a buzzer and speaks into it. "Begin."

Taeyong's heart escalates when he finally realizes what you're doing there. You're going to be tortured. "No. Please don't." He steps closer to the screen watching Yuta smirk at the camera before picking up your shirt and using his backhand to beat the side of your face. "No! Don't, don't don't do this!"

You yell in distress by the sudden impact trying to back away but get forced forward and are beaten left to right. Taeyong with bloodshot red teary eyes watches Yuta have his way with you. "That was for missing two missions. And the next one. This is for disrespecting your oath and word towards me. Jaehyun you may,"

Jaehyun steps forward after Johnny's command and Taeyong has his eyes widen when Jaehyun wastes no time in slamming a hard right hook on your face. You fall back and crawl backwards yelling covering up your face but it's no use as Jaehyun follows you and continues to deliver rough hits to your face. Taeyong grips his hair turning sharply to Johnny pointing towards the screen. "Stop this! She doesn't deserve- she's innocent. It's me you want! I'm here!" Taeyong yells trying to drown out your ear piercing wails that get louder and louder. The thought of your fragile body, your soft skin being beaten up makes his stomach wrench with anger. It's worse since he knows that Jaehyun will only stop if Johnny tells him to. "I'm begging you, please stop this."

Yuta from the side knows very well that Jaehyun plays no games when it came to hitting and teaching someone a lesson. So he's not surprised that after 5 minuets of continuously punching and hitting hard on the girl, Taeyong's girl, your wails become low and your face gets bloodier concealing your beauty. Jaehyun grabs a hold of your hair pulling you up and he looks at your bloodied face with your eyes closing out of conscious. You await the heavy knockout already closing your eyes tight being tired of fighting. Feeling nothing but cold air blowing past you, your eyes weakly open noticing that Jaehyun's fist is centimeters away from your face.

Your eyes having difficulty moving - straining when you try to look at Yuta who's talking but you can't hear a thing. You're dropped on the floor and your eyes instantly shut- too painful to cry, too painful to move you lay on the ground breathing and choking on your own dry blood. With your ears being impaired you only hear ringing and even if you did want to hear something, you couldn't bring your energy or hear all to listen to what the two men that beat you up had to say. The only thing you can think about is the pain.

"She's fucking innocent Johnny! Have you no heart, that's my- my-" Taeyong feels his eyes aching and stinging by the sight of the monitor screen with Jaehyun and Yuta who wipe the blood off their hands and throw it at your face. On his knees his heart quenches seeing your figure shaking but unmoving. Jaehyun would need to pay for what he did to you. "You're a devil, have you no mercy?"

Johnny laughs like the cold heartless monster he is and Taeyong takes his eyes off of your image. Johnny raises a brow seeing the look on his face. "The devil I am indeed and you're supposed to be my spawn. My deadliest spawn, but look at you. You're on your knees, begging and shedding tears. If you value her that much, maybe I should just take her away."

Taeyong slams his fist on the table glaring his eyes at Johnny. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want Taeyong," Johnny smirks. "I'm glad I found the thing that's been hindering you. I don't want to threaten you because you know all that's at stake, all I'll say is that I've picked you up from nothing. You owe your life to me. You've had nothing and if it takes me removing her from the picture for you to focus, you know I'll remove her. So the ball is in your court. Anytime you divert, mislead or even stray away the mission one bit, I won't hesitate to kill her. And you know I will."

Taeyong breathes in heavily straightening his back and closing his eyes. He simply travelled to Kwangya to spend time with you and to escape from his reality for a while. He didn't intend for you to be taken, to be kidnapped all the way to Neo City where crime was at it's peak. So frustrated he pinches his teeth together trying not to get enraged. He didn't even sleep, he didn't even bath as his main priority was getting you back safe. Now that he's here, he knows it'll be a long time until you're going to be safe. "Why Jaehyun and Yuta?"

"You know why I picked Jaehyun." Johnny smirks as if the answer is clear. "I'm proud to have raised you and Jaehyun in my own house. You guys are my two deadliest pawns. With Jaehyun in place you'll do whatever I say for the sake of that girlfriend of yours. While I can count on Jaehyun to give her one blow once in a while, you can count on Yuta to feed her, keep her well." Johnny laughs to himself. "We both know that he won't take good care of her, so bring me what I want and I let her go. Come to think of it, does she even know who you are?"

"What do you want?" Taeyong fumes out still with eyes closed.

"Kwangya at my feet." Johnny moves back to his seat finishing business and closing the deal. "Qian Kun's head. As well as his son Chenle, but he should be alive, he's got information worth fortune. You may leave."

Taeyong drags his hand off the table burning with fire in him.

"Oh and Taeyong." Taeyong stops, refusing to turn back and make eye contact with his boss. "You know what will happen if you try and check on her? One move towards her cell and it'll probably be the last time you see her breathing."

With that Taeyong leaves the room panting and breathing heavily trying not to lose control. Inside the large mansion, criminals rest and roam around so when they see their leader Taeyong walking towards his room with hast and anger they know it's time to bring out their stern faces and full game. Taeyong bangs his door immediately going to shower removing his clothes punching the wall as hard as he can with his fist. "Ahhh! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

He needs to get her out. He needs to get you out of here. You can't stay here. Not in this house, not in this mansion full of dangerous guys. Especially not in that room with the dangerous of them all after himself. And to think, that he's the most dangerous but yet so soft around you. He needs to get you out.

And in order to do that, he'll need to work as fast as he can. Turning on the shower he tries to focus on his target, but getting the bloodied image of her face out of his head is a challenge. He should've never came to visit her. Now he's gotten her in trouble that she doesn't deserve. "Hold on baby." He whispers as the water pours on him. "Hold on."

.

"We get in and get out." Taeyong speaks to the sets of groups listening to him. "Take out as many bodyguards as you can and then leave Kun's door unattended. It's take over day today, they'll know we're coming. So take out the lights, cut out the power, kill anyone who stands in your way, but leave Kun to me. Under no circumstances are you allowed to kill him- that's my job. Got it. Let's move."

•

"We're gonna ask you some questions." Yuta announces entering the basement room with Jaehyun following behind him.

It's been hours and you still haven't moved from your last position. Lifeless on the floor while fading in and out of conscious. Your throat and lips are dry while your eyes are both swollen. Not having cleaned up, crusts of your dried blood remain on parts of your face. You blink a tear away when spotting vague figures standing in front of you. Slowly, your head shifts to the side and you strain your eyes open using the little weight you have to back away. Not having heard what either of them say, you try with all your might to get away but you stop- only having moved an inch due to all the body shock and fatigue, as well as how heavy you feel dragging your body.

"Please..." Dryly you let out weakly putting your hand to cover your face.

"Damn." Yuta laughs. "She's actually holding up better. Not like Ryu and the other girls."

"Ryu died on spot after the third day, why compare her?"

Yuta scoffs as if the answer is obvious. "Because she's not dead yet. Meaning she can give us the answers we need. Alright, girly can you hear us?"

Yuta snaps his fingers near your ear and you slightly flinch, but you can't hear a thing he's saying. You mummer and try backing up begging with your dry cracked lips. "Please..."

"We wanna know about Taeyong." Yuta states his subject. "You give us much information, you eat. You give us little, you don't eat. Deal?"

Your ears feel like they're stuffed with cotton as you can hear his muffled words but you can't decipher what they mean. You can only cower and tremble while moving back- hoping and praying that they won't hurt you again. To your slight movement and response, Yuta thinks you're agreeing with. So you can just imagine your shock, when he speaks some more and you don't respond only seeing through your blurry eyes how his arm lifts up and the next thing you experience is a tremendous blow knocking your head in the opposite direction as you blurt out a cry-before quickly shutting your mouth holding in your voice- afraid you'll get beaten again.

You can only moan in pain as you let out tiny muffled out cries. You're scared for your dear life, and it doesn't help how your whole body is aching in pain, you feel that they are broken ribs here and there, and that your jaw is dislocated and that your ears are deaf just as your vision is foggy- but you can't even do anything with your trembling body but let out cries of sorrow.

Their muffled speeches continue again- but you can't be bothered to try and guess what they're saying because you feel another rock hard kick against your abdomen.

Jaehyun grabs Yuta's collar back while watching as blood splits out of your mouth as you cry and beg earnestly, imploring a single bloodshot word: "Please..."

"She can't hear you." Jaehyun notes, while directing his eyes to your ear which is bloody and red and oozing out lines of blood. "Which renders her useless. Just like Ryu."

Yuta growls in annoyance when noting the blood from your ears.

"Give her food."

Yuta pushes Jaehyun's hand away from you. "No. We made a deal. The less she gives, no food." Yuta walks away from Jaehyun, who only looks at your unlucky figure.

He kneels down close to you, spreading his finger through your hair. You're whimpering and breathing in heaps of fear. Jaehyun looks through your swollen bruised and broken face- cracked lips, bruised cheekbones, eyes bloodshot from weeping, nose busted and bleeding again, the skin around them a sickly pale pink, and yet you look so much more beautiful to him. His fingers pass through your soft hair going all the way down to the curves of your body landing on the fabric of your laced underwear.

"Just between us. If your boyfriend gets Kun's head, I'll get you some pants." Jaehyun mutters knowing you can't hear and taps your cheeks- it still causes you to throb in pain and you're whining like a broken puppy. "It's cold here. Good night."

When they leave the room, you're panting simmers down as your vision blurs out until you're passed out.

-

Your left ear drum is bursted and you fear that you won't be able to see again from your left eye. Although the pain subsides from your body, your stomach tightens in hunger. With each passing second whenever the two figures enter the room, you're scared that they might beat you up just like the previous time. However, it seems like ever that day (that they acted out of rage and beat you up) was just a command from someone higher then them, because they don't touch you again.

They place a bowl next to your head, but you're too weak to move your head or see what's inside. You can smell through your broken nose that it is a meal and it's hot. They splatter water on you from time to time but they don't feed you or make you move a little.

You don't count the time one of them entered the room and began making you wear some pants and left you with some kind of jacket that draped over you like a blanket. You don't count it because you don't remember it ever happening, you just woke up and you had pants on and a jacket blanket over you.

At some point when your bladder was full, you held yourself and kept yourself pressed. And for the time you really needed to let go, you crawled with all your strength but it was slow, and when you got to the corner of the large room, you peed on the concrete floor before you crawled and dragged yourself back to your bowl.

You don't know how many days passed, how many nights passed. You don't keep count, you don't move. All you do is stay in the same place hoping that this nightmare will end and that you'll wake up in your bed with Taeyong comforting you.

But unfortunately you don't ever go back to your normal life. And so as a way to adjust, you crawl to the food and try to eat...suck the food before getting dizzy and accepting that you can only eat a little.

-

Only 3 days have passed with both Yuta and Jaehyun in astonishment of how far you've made it without a bath or using the rest room- you barely even finished a full bowl of water or the food they placed next to you.

While Yuta nags and complains about how he doesn't like being a babysitter, Jaehyun finds himself loitering around the basement checking if you're okay. He splats water on your face from time to time, making sure you're alive. He also takes care of your face and body when you pass out or sleep. He wiped the blood from your face, ears and body, he placed a hot cloth on your face, massaged your scalp and made sure to keep you alive.

Of course now you know that it's been Jaehyun who has been cleaning up your swollen areas and wounds merely because, you noticed that your eyes weren't stinging so much and when you tried opening them you'd feel that it was actually opening up.

Despite his nature, he willingly made sure to keep you well and alive. And much to Yuta's surprise when Jaehyun picks you up from the floor and thrusts you over his shoulder walking out with you, Yuta has so many questions.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Get Jaemin." Is all Jaehyun says as he walks out of the basement room.

"You know you're fucked if Johnny sees-"

"He's not here. He's torturing Chenle in the chamber." Jaehyun mutters going up the stairs of the mansion before entering the lower area bathrooms which had 10 stalls for showers. Showers that were on an open floor with no barriers in between. Jaehyun sets you down by the sink as you try to balance yourself.

Although you're weak and your vison is hazy, you make out a man covered in foam and is butt naked seemingly taking a shower in the large space for showering. He's minding his own business and thoroughly washing himself.

Jaehyun's eyes go over your figure before turning back to the man in the shower. "Ten get out."

"Yah." Ten, unbothered, continues to shower. "I'm not bothering anyone today. Strip yourself and bath, stop pestering me to get out."

"Remove your clothes." Jaehyun says nonchalantly removing his leather jacket and placing it on the sink as his gaze is on you. The other guy abruptly turns off his side of the shower and snaps his head back. Upon noticing the female presence Ten covers his manhood.

"No way," Ten laughs. "Is that Yong's chick? Fuck she's a beau,"

You're surprised when Jaehyun holds you by your shoulders and then points to his lips which began moving. Over the past days, your hearing hasn't gotten any better, however you can say that you can hear...but it's low and muffled. So using your hazy eyes to try and see the way his lips move, you make out the words: "Bath" and "Clean."

"Now remove your clothes." Jaehyun continues speaking in a slow paced manner to try and get you to understand. "I'll get you something else to wear."

With that Jaehyun gets out of the bathroom. You're left alone in the bathroom with another naked man, who gives you one last smirk before turning around and continuing to shower. Heeding to what Jaehyun said, you try to remain nonchalant as you begin to remove your hoody as well as pants. You remove your underwear and bra and limp your way, as well as holding onto the wall for support to the furthest shower away from the naked man.

You try not to mind him, as he seemingly minds his own business when showering, however when you step your foot into the wet surface and try to hold up your weak body- you nearly fall causing the wet naked man to carefully leap in your direction. He holds onto your own naked body on the floor and helps you up.

While you cover your exposed areas trying to shield yourself from his view- you feel self conscious when his eyes go all over your face. "Jaehyun really left his mark on your face." He mumbles. "Do you need help washing up? I'm good with that."

You don't recall nodding, but when Ten gets a scrub and some soap, he begins creating foam around your body and he starts scrubbing you. You can only shamefully look down while holding onto the wall for some balance. The guy turns on the water and as the water cleans the foam from your body, you can see the blood mixing together with the foam water. Watching the water mixture, an emotion rises in you and you feel overwhelmed once the tears start blurring your vision.

You don't make it obvious that you're crying, in fact you try to allow the water drops take away the tears. Taeyong lied to you. He lied about his whole life and now you're here. You don't know what to think or feel. The person you fell head-over-heels for seems to be part of the mafia.

Ten stands in front of you when he's done washing your backside and rare. You can feel the warmth of his body and how his manhood keeps dangling and swinging with every move he makes. It lights taps onto your stomach each and every time he washes underneath your neck. He goes from your neck, down to your shoulders and then boobs. You're actually pleased that he's not taking advantage of you and instead washing you thoroughly. He washes underneath your boobs with care, on your armpits- and he even cleans your belly button inside....which is something you found weird. But when he gets to your stomach he takes extra care.

Ten feels bad when seeing the bruises in shades of red, pink and purple as well as black all over your stomach. Damn. Instead of using the scrub, he takes on a cloth and rubs gently over it. You feel a sharp pain from your stomach and instantly your hand goes over your stomach- which automatically gets onto of Ten as he stops while looking at you.

"Do you need me to wash down there or are you good with that?" He carefully asks. "Let me do it, so that you don't hurt yourself?"

You don't know what he's saying, and the tears that built up pour out again as you hiccup and look down.

Ten doesn't know why you're crying, but he takes it as a sign to continue. He thinks you might be crying from the pain. Your breathing is rigid and he tries not to make it hurt, but there's no other way. You're entire stomach looks badly injured. Sometimes Ten forgot what Jaehyun was capable off, but seeing it with his own eyes always made him avoid the older guy.

Ten gets to your pelvis and lower half, and just like he did with your buttock, he takes the scrub and briefly washes over it. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

He goes onto your legs and cleans under both your feet as they looked in dire shape. "Jaehyun really-"

"Really what?"

Ten is struck when immediately turning his head to the corner and seeing Jaehyun with a bag. Ten goes back to washing you keeping himself tranquil. "You really fucked her up."

"Johnny said so."

Ten rolls his eyes. Of course Johnny said so. Although everyone feared Johnny as there boss and tried to be as obedient as possible, no one could do it better then Jaehyun and Taeyong. Those two idiolized Johnny to one hell of another degree.

As Ten ponders on this, he finds it weird how actually Jaehyun allowed you to take a bath... "Did Johnny also say she can take a bath?"

Expecting an answer back, Ten is disappointed when Jaehyun simply folds his arms and ignores him. Sometimes he really tried to befriend the other unit team mates, but they were another breed.

Upon finishing, Ten gets up and mumbles in your ear. "Sorry okay babe. I'd never hit a woman. But be strong for your Yong. He's going through hell tryna meet Johnny's high demands."

You make out some words but the rest of the sentence is muffled and you can only look at his lips. Your eyes is hazy and when Ten looks between them both, he feels bad.

Although he was in the gang mafia group, his main post was with the surveillance and equipment team dealing in hacking. He was never in the front line. Most of the times when he saw what the members of the front line would do, he wonder how he got himself stuck in such a work field.

Jaehyun takes over as he moves closer to you and hands you the towel and the points to the bag. "Get dry and change."

With that he leaves the bathroom. Ten once again takes heed in helping you out. After helping you dry yourself, he searches through the bag and sees a boxer. Helping you put it on, he adjusts the size by pulling onto the strings and then he goes onto a long sleeved shirt...which on you it looks baggy. Seeing the logo and the size and color, Ten figures out that you're not wearing anything of your style but instead this is from Jaehyun's wardrobe. He then puts on the black sweat pants and pulling the strings to adjust it to your waist before finally finding some socks. They're also big, but socks always fit and so they fit you fine.

Ten takes it a step further and pulls all your hair to the back deciding to braid it. It's a skill he learnt when he was growing up with his family and had to do his sisters hair. So doing your hair kinda reminds him of his sister. His heart pings when looking at you. You didn't ask for this.

Once you're done, Ten helps you walk to the shower door. He opens it up and you limp out. Jaehyun is leaning against the wall looking at the floor.

Seeing your limping figure and seeing you all dressed up in his clothes, he squats down and picks you up again tossing you over his shoulder and begins taking down the stairs again.

You feel much better after bathing, but still your body aches with the way Jaehyun holds your stomach against his shoulder. Upon getting away from the light house, your eyes make note of the darkness leading to the basement where you once where.

Upon Jaehyun getting back he spots Yuta and Jaemin. "Jaemin check on her. Give her medicine or put alcohol over her wounds, whatever she needs to get well."

"Well?" Yuta scrunches his eyebrows. "Are you crazy?"

"No I'm not." Jaehyun mumbles before moving bac to his seat on the corner and leaving the two looking down at you. Jaehyun put you back on the floor and now you're seated up right.

-

Taeyong slumps on his bed after a long day and night. He picks up his phone from the night stand and checks the time. 02h00 am. Looking at the wallpaper of you leaning close to his chest, his heart tightens. How many more tasks would he have to do to get back to you? He's been working extremely hard for Johnny, but yet Johnny still had his hands on you.

This evening was almost a breaking point for Taeyong, he was tasked to torture Chenle in the most vile ways to get information out of him on how to get his dad, Kun. But even though it was something he had to do, he didn't want to do it. Inside of him, seeing Chenle strapped up to a chair and looking fearful...only reminded him of you. Chenle was hot headed and refused to give up any information...that's until Taeyong was no longer lenient and actually began the torture. After stuffing a gag ball in Chenle's mouth, Taeyong felt the most heavy when striking his first blow across Chenle's face.

The first punch alone left Chenle with a bleeding eyebrow and forming bump. When Chenle looking horrendously scared turning back to Taeyong- he wasn't prepared for the way that Taeyong would unleash all his anger. Another hard strike against Chenle's face, almost punctured out Chenle's left eye and by now he was feeling scared. He couldn't even talk because of the gag ball- but that didn't stop Taeyong from swinging his fists and treating Chenle like a punching bag.

The strikes weren't only limited to his face, but to his abdomen as well. And when things got tough because Chenle still didn't want to realease information, Taeyong picked up a hammer. And with Chenle's hands being strapped as well Taeyong beat the hammer excruciatingly hard and stubbed Chenle of his pinky finger.

From screaming and yelling without being heard (due to the gag ball) and Chenle's whole face turning red with veins popping all over his forehead from how Taeyong beat him up and broke on his fingers one by one- Just made Taeyong feel regretful. He normally wouldn't feel remorse when doing his job. But yet, beating Chenle up only brought his mind to you. Who knows, maybe somewhere in the basement the same abuse was happening to you.

Taeyong sighs and shuts his screen off. He feels so bad for coming to visit you. If he hadn't visited you, then you wouldn't have been caught and this wouldn't have happened.

Meanwhile Johnny walks into his office with blood being covered on most of his suit as well as face. Taeyong was weak. Is what Johnny notes. While Johnny sat on the corner of the room and watched as Taeyong beat Chenle up this afternoon- it came to Johnny's awareness as how Taeyong was fighting Chenle. Although physically strong and he did a number on Chenle with a broken jaw, swollen eyes and busted nose, Johnny could still see right through Taeyong that his mind was elsewhere.

It's why after long dreadful hours he sent Taeyong to go and sleep- so that he himself could finish Chenle off.

And once Johnny started, he started by his typical standard way of chopping off one of Chenle's toes. Even though Chenle was ready to speak a long time ago while Taeyong was beating him up, Johnny wanted to make sure that Chenle wouldn't lie. So after cutting 3 out of 10 toes and breaking Chenle's arms- he confirmed what he wanted to know.

Switching on his tv, he watches you sleeping on the ground while Jaehyun sits on the corner of your room. After telling Jaehyun to look after you and make sure you're okay, he knows he did a good job. Because you don't look as shabby as you did before. You look proper and even clean. Leaning back on his seat, he lights up a cigarette looking out his high view window.

Taeyong was always his prized possession, and Johnny wanted to keep it that way forever.

So after getting the report back of your condition, Johnny decides to give you a few more days or even weeks of rest before he can allow Taeyong to see you.

And so it happens, as the days pass by and your condition slightly gets better with the help of Jaemin constantly checking up on you, Johnny makes sure to try and toughen Taeyong up- by getting him involved in other gang mafia activities that still needed to be done.

By the start of the third week, when Taeyong feels his heart becoming numb every second, when morning comes he makes his way to Johnny's office by routine, as if being summoned for the next mission. However for this week Taeyong is surprised with what Johnny tells him. "Your next mission is in the basement."

Feeling fearful of what Johnny has up his sleeves, Taeyong composes his emotions. It' been 2 weeks since he last saw you, and the last time he did see you, you were beaten up to a pulp and that was the only image he could remember.

But now following Johnny to the basement, Taeyong wonders what state he'll see you in.

And just to his dismay you're strapped on the chair. Although your attire has changed, the patches on your face reveal the type of pain you've been through. "Babe.." He can only whisper when he sees Yuta scouting around you.

"Tae-" Your eyes get watery and you begin whimpering while crying lightly. "Tae..." Is the only thing you can croak out while trying not to break down.

Taeyong's heart heaves in his chest when hearing and seeing how broken and scared you look. He swallows a lump down his throat, hoping that Johnny won't do anything that's maniac.

"You know that day, I figured something out." Johnny states while walking near to you. His hand touches your shoulder and jolt a little. "While you were beating Chenle up."

Johnny smirks when watching Taeyong's eyes snap up to his, just as he feels your shoulder stiffen. From what Jaehyun said, you were able to hear from your right ear while your left ear seemed damaged. Either way, you could hear him. And hearing that Taeyong beat Chenle, makes you peer into Taeyong's eyes. Surely, it wasn't the Chenle she knew. Surely it wasn't her brother.

"I saw the way he looked at you. And I saw the way you were hitting him." Johnny remarks. "It's true that you gave your all in beating him up. However it's fair to say, you didn't give your all because he was still alive."

Johnny mentions when letting go of your shoulders and he moves to Yuta.

"I made Jaehyun look after her while Yuta did a background check on her and while you were out there hunting for Quin Kun's head." Johnny chuckles. "And it got me thinking how it's exactly the same reason you run away. Whenever I put you on the mission to look for Kun's head, you come back with no results. I began wondering, why only for Kun's head do you struggle? You never struggled to get Doyoung's head. You never struggled to get even Jungwoo's head- and he was the fucking prime minister. You even got Jisung's head, and he was just a kid. I've trained you to be merciless all your life, and you've brought back great results. However when it comes to Kun, you struggle a lot. And I wondered why."

"Tae..." You whimper breathlessly.

Taeyong can't bring his eyes to you, as he can feel the tears already leaving your eyes. Johnny liking the reaction of Taeyong looking down to the ground while you cry, gets him to walk in front of you.

Johnny crouches down in front of you and taps your cheek. "I did a background check on you, and it seems you were adopted from a young age. To a wealthy Chinese family." Johnny smirks and gets back up looking to Taeyong. "I sent you, three years ago on the mission to kill Kun. And I remember how you came back empty handed saying you couldn't track Kun and that it wasn't him."

Taeyong inhales deeply getting his eyes to glare holes into Johnny's smug eyes.

"I dropped it and searched for another target. I mean, if we were gonna take over the Chinese business market we'd need to get rid of the most successful Chinese business man, which is Kun. And if Kun was undefeatable by my best pupil, by you Taeyong- then it meant we weren't strong enough. I put down Kun thinking that we needed to be stronger. And so I trained you and groomed you to be harder and stronger so that the next time we'd meet him, he'd be of no match. But no, I was wrong again. I sent you for the second time, you came back empty. I sent you for the third time, you came back empty. And what makes me laugh is that all your excuses made me think that Kun is some motherfucking top gang mafia in China. It was always the Kun mission that you kept failing. So when I got word that Kun moved to Kwangya City, I thought this was it. We can nail him when he's not on his home turf. I sent you again. And for the fifth time, you came back empty. That's when I knew something wasn't right."

You can't believe what your ear is hearing. Your eyes are watering and you're whimpering inside with your trembling lips. Taeyong lied to you.

"So when I caught your little bitch, I thought she was the reason why you've been slacking off." Johnny continues. "We brought her in, beat her up, in the hopes that you'd do your job. You managed to do your other activities and killing jobs successfully- but still, when it came to Kun, you couldn't kill him and I wondered why. Why my best elite man, couldn't kill some old Chinese guy. And why he also couldn't kill his son. I killed Chenle by myself since you couldn't do it. And after killing him, it dawned on me, perhaps I should send someone else to get the Kun job done."

That makes Taeyong's heart beat just as his eyes enlarge. "You didn't."

Johnny smirks. "I love pairing you and Jaehyun together on missions because I get twice the deadly combo I was looking for. Of course when you're separated you bring back results that make me proud of you two. But I thought to myself, if Taeyong can't get the job done, then maybe he's other half can."

"No..." You can't even hold yourself from wailing when just in time, Jaehyun walks in with one hand dragging a lanky body without a head, and on Jaehyun's other hand, he holds onto a clamped ball of black hair that's mixed with blood. A head that's dripping blood from it's cut neck. You instantly recognize the head and body. You recognized the body in the white suit instantly because the suit was a present you bought for your dad- and when seeing the head on Jaehyun's other hand your heart breaks when a grueling cry erupts from your lips. "DADDY!"

Hearing you cry rattles and destroys Taeyong in many devastating ways, but seeing Kun too dead and spilt from his body completely ruins and tears Taeyong down. He acts on impulse when his body lunges for Jaehyun and he balls a fist knocking Jaehyun straight to the ground dropping the bodies.

Jaehyun’s blood stains Taeyong’s knuckles dark red as Taeyong but doesn't stop there and keeps punching with extreme rage. Your cries are all that Taeyong can hear and he doesn't give Jaehyun a chance or even time to collect himself. Between him and Jaehyun- Taeyong was always the strongest and he made show to demonstrate his strength upon Jaehyun when using his fists to destroy.

Johnny watches nonchalantly while Yuta runs to Taeyong and joins to on the fight. Giving Jaehyun enough time to collect himself while Yuta distracts Taeyong- Jaehyun unleashes his anger over Taeyong. He tosses Taeyong from his waist all the way down to the concrete floors before getting ontop of him and starts pounding into Taeyong’s face over and over again. Taeyong tries to block out your cries but it's impossible as he sees you bleeding on the floor. He stops fighting completely, allowing Jaehyun to beat you up.

It's only because he sees Johnny kick your chair to the ground and press his foot over your head squeezing you by pressing you done. "If you're done I'd like to carry on my monologue." Johnny boredly speaks.

Jaehyun fuming in rage helps Yuta up as they both get away from a puffed and bruised up Taeyong.

Your eyes are sad just as your face turns red from all the pain that Johnny emits onto you by crashing your head. Taeyong tries to see from his one good eye but it's equally just as bad. Johnny speaks. "I was thinking what could be your punishment. And seeing that hurting her makes you weak, I thought of something better. And what can be better then cutting you loose? I've decided to let you go. Of course you can always come back if you want and find that out there isn't good for you without her, but regardless I'm letting you go. Take any car you want, heck I'm even giving you permission to take my cars if you'd like. And you can even have your girlfriend back. I'm not gonna chase her, you can have her back. There's no catch. Just a clock ticking. One hour I want you out and gone."

Johnny puts his hand in his pocket and tosses it in the air to Yuta. "Get him any car he wants. Jaehyun I want you to place the bodies of Kun and Chenle in which ever car he picks, let them bury the family, it' only fair. And Taeyong, get cleaned up from Jaemin, you can take your pathetic crying girlfriend as well." Johnny removes his foot against the side of her face and struts out of the basement before moving back. "Oh, and you can take her to her fathers house, her house is destroyed. In his will her father was sweet enought to leave everything in her name."

Just as Yuta and Jaehyun follow after their boss, Taeyong struggles to get up before limping over to you. You're crying and sobbing profusely and you look so small curled on the floor. Your legs are bloody and your clothes are tattered, your hair is messy and tangled and covered in dust from the ceiling. You don't seem to notice Taeyong and he's afraid to approach you but he knows that he has to get you somewhere safe. Even if he's weak, he forces himself to carry you bridal style as he limps out of the basement to Jaemin.

Jaemin doesn't ask questions and patches your bleeding head and puts a number of bandages around Taeyong.

"How long did they give you?" Jaemin mumbles.

"An hour."

"Will you be okay?"

Taeyong doesn't even know what to say or respond when looking at you as you're curled up again with your eyes closed as you silently cry. Taeyong whispers back. "My punishment is watching her suffer while being around her. He knows I'm helpless because of what I've done. I'm just hoping she'll forgive me.

And so when Taeyong picks out a car, and Jaehyun is done depositing the bodies of your family in the boot Taeyong begins driving. The car is silent with the both of you staring ahead in deep thought. Taeyong doesn't know what to say to break the ice and you don't even want to speak to him. It's only when he pulls up your father's mansion do you begins to sob out. It hurts Taeyong, and he when cautiously puts his hand on you - you slap it away and get out the car. Your cry worsens when you open the boot and see the bloody plastic in which your brother and father are. You try to bring them out of the boot by yourself- but when you see Taeyong helping you bring the plastic out your tears halt.

"I'm sorry babe-"

"Don't you ever call me babe." You snap your head around. You're both beaten and look busted- but it's you that's more heartbroken. Taeyong feels like throwing up and his eyes water when your own eyes don't stop imploring. "You hurt me, Taeyong. And I hate you. I hate you! For doing this. For forcing me to watch this every day!" You scream at him and throw his car keys at him. Taeyong catches them with trembling hands and looks around for you. "I won't forgive you. You're the reason why my father is gone. Why my family is dead! Why Chenle is dead. If it weren't for you, then none of this would have happened." You stumble back being too weak to keep your eyes open as you wail out. "You knew this would happen but still-"

Taeyong's eyes are watery when he holds onto your arms. "Babe I'm sorry- I really am- I…"

"Don't touch me Taeyong." Your voice is barely above a whisper as you try to get away from him not having the strength to look at him. But Taeyong still comes close as he tries to explain to you. "You couldn't even protect me, you allowed them to kill my family- and you get close to me by lying- you just wanted to kill my father- I hate you! Get away from me-" you implore pushing him back by his shoulders roughly.

"At first it was just orders," Taeyong can hear his own heart breaking when you keep refusing his touch and you don't want to look at him. "But three years ago I fell in love with you, and didn't wanna do it anymore. I love-"

"I hate you-"

"Everything changed when I realized just how much you mean to me. I fell in love with your world, the peace, your serenity, I fell…baby I fell in love with you-" Taeyong tries to get close again while looking into your eyes even though you shake your head and try to get away from him. "Babe I fell for you-"

"I trusted you-"

"Trust me now baby please-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" You break. You can't help but look at him in disgust, sadness and anger all at once. You can't believe that this was once your whole world, you used to look at him with such love because your whole heart wanted him. But now, his whole features disgust you. "Don't you ever, ever come near me again. Get out of my life Taeyong and go back to that hell."

"Babe please-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" Your wailing and screeching hit Taeyong where it hurts. He backs off and looks at you with sadness, hurt and despair. "I can't stand you anymore. Get out of here. Please."

He nods his head, walks away from the car, tears streaming down his face and leaving you in front the plastic bag of the dead bodies of your father and brother. From the rearview mirror Taeyong watches you kneel down on the ground as you slowly reach into the body bag and grab one of the two heads and put it on your knee while wiping away the blood. Taeyong hits the wheel in anger- but it's in his anger when he realizes Johnny's plan.

Johnny said: "Of course you can always come back if you want and find that out there isn't good for you without her," Back then Taeyong didn't understand- but after his car is several of yards away his eyes widen. They're gonna kill you. Even though Johnny said there's no catch, he knew better then to believe it when Jaehyun wasn't anywhere near when you left. He stops the car and abruptly gets out running back to you.

And just as he gets in sight of the mansion which once belonged to Kun, he sees you struggling and wrestling with Jaehyun who looks like he came out from the plastic bag. In a quick movement, Jaehyun brings out a gun-

"NO!" Taeyong shouts.

It's in moments like these when he realizes that a gangster love isn't so sweet. He loved you for so long and thought that you'd be able to make it far with him. But he failed to protect you or your family, and even though knowing that loving you would kill him, he still drew closer to you. And now he regrets his decisions. When Jaehyun pulls the trigger and a loud blasting sound is heard, and your head sprouts out blood- Taeyong feels his whole heart shatter and splitting into two

-

News:

"Another night in hell city as criminal activities continue to manifest. With cases and reports being filled day, night and regularly by the hour, as drug exporters, mob executioners and many more corrupt the streets. Legal advisors of Kwangya inform and advice fellow citizens to keep off the streets and stay indoors.” Renjun reads the script stationed on the screen before looking down and reading the next point. "Unfortunately, our very own representative Kun, and former anchor woman Y/n, were killed and found last night in the dumps."

Renjun can't even begin to express his troubled heart. Two weeks ago they heard you were kidnapped, and then just last week someone reported seeing you, and just before a search party could be sent out, they heard the devastating news.

“It’s absolutely devastating to face this period blindly and not knowing what could happen to any of us. By the hour we've been hearing that citizens are getting kidnapped, houses are being raided, people being killed, and to think that it's happening to different types of people, and to people we love.”

Renjun shakes his head in disbelief turning his gaze off the camera to glance at at his sheet of papers. He had to be professional and couldn't even shed a tear on camera. So he huffs up and continues.

"According to reports made by various sources, the people of Kwangya should be extremely careful or they might be victims in uncalled-for events. That's what it is, uncalled-for and dangerous acts. Following Y/n's suspicion, police have a led on who they think the killer, or mafia member might be. He goes by the name of Lee Taeyong. And his activities line up to the crimes being investigated. After the break we'll report live from Kwangya streets to hear what locals and shop owners have to say about the disturbance of the neighboring city. It is now 19:30 and you're watching Channel 5 news."

Taeyong stands outside of the tv station new building and sees all the flowers as well as candles lit up for everyone favorite anchor woman. He bends down and his lips tremble. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. But I will avenge you, and your father, and brother."

[jittyjames]

so kinda want to talk about something that happened in the past few days and an ongoing issue within the ham community atm. i know y'all have seen all of the stuff going around, people hiding behind anonymity to tear each other down, name dropping accounts to get them harassed etc.. the blog was fun at first, and i even enjoyed putting in harmless opinions on women's representation and aaron burr being my favorite character, but it quickly devolved into something concerning. but hey! you can't censor people by deleting or ignoring posts on a confession blog right? that would defeat the purpose. so of course all of this discord will be allowed.

except the moderator had no problem taking down my anonymous post that called out the undermining of harmful slurs being used by the community.

i blurred the person's name i was referring to because although it was all over the confessions blog and they have no problem with airing this minor's name after she's already gotten death threats, i don't want to spread it outside of there for people not involved. so here's the following conversation that took place.

(context for anyone who's had the great fortune of not running into this blog: someone had said a homophobic slur in a derogatory way and there was a question if they could reclaim it or not.) (rebuttal is also not the right word, but my mind was racin and that's what we got. i meant response.)

at first, i thought there was a misunderstanding. that someone had asked them to take something down and they mistook my post for it since they made a post saying they did in fact take down a post by someone's request. but i had a feeling it was something more. clearly, the moderator values someone who doesn't want people speaking out about an issue of homophobia being down played's opinion over an actual member of the lgbtq+ community. it's 2024 and we're still having to have the conversation about if slurs are bad or not, and it's frankly exhausting.

i might have adjusted my original post a bit more in the actual tumblr inbox, but this was the gist of what it said bc i always write down what i want to say first outside of the app (social anxiety says hi 🤪). as you can see it lines up with the conversation at hand— the conversation that was allowed and was still up, i might add— and i was polite about everything— unlike the actual hate mongering on the account. i really don't know where this attitude came from or why my specific post about queerness was targeted out of so many, but as you can see, they did so clear as day. to my knowledge, no other post has been taken down despite there being multiple continued conversations that are vague enough to not specifically be about fandom (like the morality of long distance incest, arguing over which hamilton artist they don't like, and people complaining about the drama going on across the blog.) those were allowed to be up, and i believe they should be if those are the conversations that people want to have about the fandom space. so why the detestation in these responses? it's not even veiled disdain. you would think i was the one bullying random minors just because i didn't like their art style or the one sending death threats. when a marginalized person expresses concern over something happening under your watch, why is the first line of action to be hateful and flippant while making excuses that don't even make sense and referring to rules that aren't even followed. despite all of this, it's my opinion it didn't even break said rules. the conversation at hand was about slur usage in the fandom. why did the posts claiming people were basically dumb for finding an issue with it stay, and mine get deleted?

why has the biggest crime on that blog—by the moderator's standards, the post so horrible they had to step in and delete and tell the person to leave the page—a gentle reminder that some people find the use of homophobic slurs a disrespectful practice when the word is in the wrong mouth. even if someone disagreed with my post, which is their right, why was it erased completely?

but that blog was taken down. and we thought it was over. but strangely enough last night, my anon box was filled with so many hate comments i had to turn off anon, and i have no plans of turning them back on. and it appears the blog was remade with rules but only one specific rule.

now here’s the issue. whore can’t really be compared to homophobic slurs or racial slurs due to the way it’s evolved in culture. and let’s say whore is a slur. let’s go with that. just because you listen to music or consume content that has people reclaiming slurs, it does not give you the right to reclaim them and say them for yourself. that is ignorance. you can't silence a community by saying they can't take issue over SLURS with this excuse used over and over again when it's not even an appropriate once. something that will always stand is people should not be saying slurs they can't reclaim.

you all can keep playing around with that blog if you want. just remember while you're arguing and cursing each other over fictional queer ships, actual queer issues are being censored by the person hosting y'all for no apparent reason other than some unnamed person asking for it's removal and the moderator's apparent disdain for queer people asking people not to use harmful slurs. which makes no sense to anyone if you think about it for more than two seconds.

i'm just a blip in this fandom, and there's so many of you i haven't gotten the fortune of talking to, but you need to sit down and ask why you guys are doing this to yourselves in the first place. why are you continuously feeding in to a bullying platform when you know how it's effecting people? when you know the moderator's intentions have been made clear in just want hatred bred throughout the fandom? why are we so dead set on being mean to each other? maybe you think i'm trying to stir up trouble or be self-important by butting my nose into people's business, and that's your right to think that. but this account has split the fandom in two and made it's fun diminish for everyone involved. you can say that every fandom is like this, but i've been in the fandom since the beginning and active on this account for almost three years and i've never seen anything like this. if you want to see change and for the fandom to go back to normal, stop torturing yourselves and calling it entertainment. the drama was silly and fun in the beginning, but now with specific attacks on minors and disparaging an entire community by telling us to take our "queer concern" elsewhere and saying we can't speak out against people using slurs, it's gotten worrying.

obviously, i'm not going to tell anyone what to do or fault them if they continue to play the intoxicating game of ganging up on someone because they don't know who you are and you know you won't face any repercussions. but just realize it could be you or a close friend being endlessly harassed and silenced. i used to think there was no place in this community for things like this, but there's always something that weasels it's way in.

it's basic and you've heard it from every single adult in your life, but think before you post. think about what the intentions are. think about why you find all of this fun. think about why this person behaves the way they do.

[fruity-pontmercy]

Les Mis adaptations and apolitical appropriation

I think it's no secret on this blog that I love the original Les Mis 1980 concept album in French, and that I also love comparing different versions of the stage musical. I've noticed that Les Mis seems to get progressively more vaguely apolitical as time goes on, not only in the way it's viewed in our culture, but in the actual text as well.

It's natural for specifics to be lost in adaptation. It's easier to get people to care about 'the people vs. the king' in a relatively short musical rather than actually facing the audience with the absolute mess that were 19th century french politics (monarchist orleanists vs monarchist legitimists vs imperialist vs bonapartist democrats vs every flavour of republican imaginable). Still, I feel that as time goes on, as more revivals and adaptations of the stage musical come out, the more watered down its politics become. Like, Les Mis at it's core is just meant to be a fancily written, drawn out political essay, right?

In a way I feel that the 1980 concept album almost tried to modernise it with its symbols of progress. Yes, through Enjolras' infamous disco segment (and other similar allusions to the ideals of social change), but perhaps most interestingly to me, through one short line that threw me off when I first heard it, because it seems so insignificant, but might actually be the most explicitly leftist line of all of Les Mis.

"Son coeur vibrait à gauche et il le proclama" (roughly "His heart beat to the left and he proclaimed it" i.e: he was a leftist) Feuilly says, while speaking of the now dead général Lamarque in Les Amis de L'ABC.

What's that? An actual mention of leftism??? in MY vaguely progressive yet apolitical musical??? More seriously, this mention of leftism, clashing with the rest of the musical due to it's seeming anachronism, is interesting not because it's actually more political than anything else in Les Mis, rather, because it's not scared to explicitly name what it's trying to do.

But we've come a long way from the Concept Album days, it's been 43 years, and Les Misérables is now one of the most famous and beloved musicals in the entire world. It's been revived and reimagined and adapted in a million ways, in different mediums, in different languages and countries, and it's clear that it's changed along with it's audience.

On top of pointing out a cool line in my favourite version of the musical, I wanted to write this post to reflect on the perception of the political message of this work. We as a Les Mis fandom on Tumblr are very political, I don't need to tell you that, however, I feel that because this very left leaning space has sprung out of a work we all love so much, we oftentimes forget to revisit it from a more objective point of view.

Les Misérables has a history of being misrepresented, this has been true since it's publication, since american confederate soldiers became entranced with their censored translation Lee's Miserables. However, with it's musical adaptation, this misinterpretation has been made not only more accessible but also easier. As much as I love musical theatre and I think it is at it's best an incredible art form able to communicate complex themes visulally by the masses for the masses, I think it'd be idealistic to ignore the fact that the people who can afford to go see musicals regularly are, usually, not the common folk. Broadway and the West End are industries which, like most, need money to keep them afloat, and are loved people of all political backgrounds (and unfortunately, often older conservatives) not just communists on tumblr. We've seen the way Les Miz UK's social media team constantly misses the mark regarding different social issues, and the way Cameron Makintosh has used the musical to propagate his transphobia, and most of us can agree that these actions are in complete antithesis with the message of Les Misérables as a novel.

But I must ask, how does Les Mis ,as a West End musical in it's current form, actually drive a leftist message, and how are we as a community helping if every time someone relating to the musical messes up if we just claim they "don't get it"?

I'm thinking in particular of incidents like last october, where Just Stop Oil crashed Les Mis at the West End. Whether you think it's good activism or not is not the question I think, this instance is interesting particularly because it shows that, outside of Les Misérables analysis circles and fandom spaces, it is not recognised as an inherently leftist, political or activist work, and instead of just saying they completely missed the point of the musical, I think it'd be interesting to take a step back and look at what the musical as it stands actually represents in our culture today.

I don't pretend to have all the answers, so I won't try to give one, but I do hope we can reflect on this a bit.

[sports-on-sundays]

hold you while you sleep / CL16 / Part 3

Summary: dad!Charles x French!reader - Now it's time to see how much louder Charles's actions speak louder than his words.

Warnings: 'Y/s/n' means 'your son's name,' you are free to imagine the son as whatever age he acts because I leave that unspecified, crying, kissing, implied sexual actions (seriously it's like two extremely vague small paragraphs), nervousness, censored curse, random name chosen for sister

Requested?: No.

Author's Note: @milenag2008 asked me to tag them, so thank you, and I hope you especially enjoy! Same song as inspiration. Link to part 1 / Link to part 2

Even though you've been trying to go on dates with Charles now for over a month, every single time you sit across the table from him, both your hands folded on the table, you can't shake the thought of how much it looks like you're about to sit down and have a very serious business interview.

But Charles always gets too antsy, takes your hand, and starts rubbing it anxiously, until one of you starts talking.

And this time, it's you who decides to speak.

"I feel like we're two high school students dating, by the way we're carrying on like this," you say with a sigh.

His thumb gently kneads the back of your hand. "It just takes a few minutes for us to loosen up. It's okay."

"I feel like we went full circle."

He looks up, meeting your eyes. "Yeah?"

"We started out dating just like this. All nervous and awkward, until we both leaned into it and loosened up. And then... we got married, and it all happened."

"This time around, I'm going to do it right."

You nod, staring at your hands, eyes glazed over. "I think Y/s/n likes it."

"I know he likes it."

You nod again, gently entwining your fingers with his nervous ones. There's some silence, before you mutter, "You've been doing good, Charles."

He looks up. "I want to be perfect for you."

"Nobody is perfect, but you've been acting pretty damn close to it. But it's just the beginning."

He sighs, nodding. He doesn't like the negative connotation you seem to end every exchange like this with, and you both know it, but you don't intend to stop until he's really proven himself.

You don't know what that means, but...

Yeah.

You figure you'll know when you know.

"Want to come sit next to me?" Charles asks.

"That's awkward," you immediately say.

He frowns.

You stand up and walk around to sit next to him. His arm immediately pulls you into him, and he whispers, "Just want cuddles."

You smile a little as he strokes your hair.

He's so soft with you. He never pushes anything.

You sigh, and you don't know if it's a content one or not.

After another month, Charles has been hanging around a lot more at your house, and Y/s/n is loving it.

Today, as you sit at the table, playing Sorry! with Y/s/n as Charles straightens up a bit (only because he offered to, seeing how hard you were trying to balance giving your son attention and getting the cleaning done), Y/s/n suddenly says with a giggle as Charles dusts a shelf in that room, "I'm so happy Daddy is here, Mama."

You smile softly, ruffling his hair a bit. "Yeah. Daddy makes good company, huh?"

He grins, seeming to love those words coming from your lips. "Yeah! Come on, Daddy! Can Daddy play with us?"

Charles smiles and says, "I'm cleaning for your mama right now, buddy."

He frowns, pouting. "Daddy..."

He smiles and says gently, "I'll tell you a secret, Y/s/n."

You watch with an eyebrow cocked up as, of course, the young boy leans in closer to listen to his dad, who says softly, "Usually, Mama cleans, but sometimes, she gets tired. Sometimes, Mama needs to be taken care of, too."

You smile a little, perplexed, as Charles says this.

Your little son's eyes widen. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," Charles smiles, standing up straighter again to gently set his hand on your shoulder. "Your mama loves you, and it's important for you two to play together. So that's why I'm cleaning up for her."

"Daddy?" Y/s/n begins. "Do you ever have to be taken care of?"

Charles blinks at this question, and begins, "Oh, well, I usually can just take care of mys-"

Suddenly you interrupt, though, "No, Y/s/n. I think Daddy's a little confused." You grab his arm and pull him down to your seated level, saying softer, more to Charles himself than actually to your son, "Because even Daddy needs to be taken care of, sometimes, too."

You look at your blushing partner with a little smile, and gently give him a kiss on the cheek.

Often, date nights are when you lock up, and memories that make you uncomfortable to do anything come flooding back. But just spending time, doing the most mundane things- that's when your affection just seeps out.

And Charles seems to love it.

Later that night, after you and Charles put Y/s/n to bed together, you softly singing and Charles reading a story, you sit on the couch together. You were originally about to watch a show together, but that idea was soon lost when tactile Charles pulled you into his arms, letting you lean your head in his lap, and began stroking your hair.

After a while, though, you murmur, "It's probably so late. You need to be getting back to your house."

You look up at him to see him frown. "Can't I just stay here?" he asks, pulling you closer, like a teddy bear.

"For the night?"

He nods.

You swallow. That would be a step.

But all of this has been going to fast. Both of you were trying to take it slow and easy, but perhaps since years ago, you had a relationship like this, it's easy to head through it fast.

For instance, right now, you nod. "Okay. You can stay for the night."

He nods, and you sit up a bit.

He just pulls you onto his lap, earning a little mindless giggle from yourself. "You've always been so clingy and snuggly."

"You don't mind that, do you?"

You shake your head. "Out of all the things you could mess up with, you holding me close is the least of my worries."

He sighs. There's your negativity again.

"What you said earlier- about taking care of me, too. I liked that," he says, changing the conversation topic.

"Yeah, I'm sure you did, Daddy," you chuckle softly.

His nose scrunches up, but he blushes. "Don't say that..."

"Why do you blush, then?"

He groans, laughing a bit, leaning back his head.

And you're surprised to hear your lips utter, "You're good. You're a good Daddy."

"You think?" he says, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Well, you sure take care of Y/s/n well. You two are so sweet. He just adores you."

"Funny enough, I think the same thing about you and him when I watch you together."

You chuckle, "Do you?"

"Yeah," he grins. "And you know it's the best when it's all three of us."

You nod slowly, leaning your head into his chest. "Yeah. I think you're right about that."

You wake up to the shrill screaming of your son: "Mama! Daddy!" And suddenly, a little boy jumps on you.

"Huh-?" you blink groggily to see your son, sitting on your stomach, grinning.

He looks overjoyed.

"Hey- hey, love, what's up?"

He grins. "You and Daddy are cuddling! Does that mean Daddy doesn't miss you anymore?!"

"Hmmm...?" Charles puts in, his eyes fluttering open at the over-energetic boy's screaming in excitement.

But just those words from him seem to wrench your heart out, and in that moment, it hits you.

Charles can't mess this up, because it's not only about me, now. It would also break this little boy's heart.

You swallow. Sure enough, you fell asleep practically on top Charles, who has his arms wrapped around your body.

"Daddy? Are you happy now?"

He smiles sleepily, and you have to admit, it's adorable. "Yeah, I'm happy. You want to know why?"

"Why?" he asks, bouncing on your stomach a bit, which makes you go 'oof.'

"Hey, hey," Charles chuckles. "Don't hurt Mama!"

He stops, but asks again, "Why?"

"Because I've got your lovely mama sleeping here in my arms," he says softly near your ear, before kissing your cheek.

You constantly wonder if he's trying to charm you, or if he just is that charming.

"Yeah, Mama!" the energetic boy wholehearted agrees innocently. "You are lovely."

You chuckle a little, picking up the little boy and slipping out of Charles's lap, "Thank you. You're very handsome. Now, let's go get you dressed and ready for school."

Charles, whenever he's not racing, seems to make it to your house.

He's gone for a while, though, and after it being about four months, since you accepted to date him again, your head is spinning.

So after Y/s/n is in bed, and he reaches you from behind and wraps his arms around your waist, instead of leaning into it, you murmur, "Can you... not, right now?"

He immediately takes his hands away. "What's wrong?"

You shrug, going to plop down on the couch. "I'm just kind of... nervous."

His eyebrows crease together. "Why?"

You swallow. "Just thinking about us."

He frowns at this. "What about us?"

"Sometimes, I just get nervous. Uncomfortable with being held... Memories flood back... and I just don't feel very good."

He looks nervous himself now. "Baby," he says softly. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"It's... okay. I honestly think I do believe you're better now."

This seems to reassure him a bit, but he murmurs, "I wish you never had to hurt again."

You sigh. "Everyone wishes that, Charles. No point spending time on something that is impossible."

He nods slowly. "But I just want us to be as comfortable as possible, together. As a family."

"I know," you sigh.

Suddenly you sigh, and flop your head into his lap. "I just want to feel safe! Secure! I want to trust... I don't want to remember what you did..."

He nods slowly, whispering, "I wish I could erase all of that."

"Me, too," you sniff a bit.

"Lovely, don't cry," he breathes, automatically wiping at your cheek as a tear falls down it.

You swallow, but tears keep coming. You're not even sure why.

Maybe there's just a lot left to work though.

Strangely enough, you and your son go to your first race together.

Years ago, you used to go to Charles's races, and you know Charles has set up to bring Y/s/n a few times, having other people take care of him.

But you two go together, to watch Charles.

It doesn't seem like it would be, but because it's such a huge part of his life, it's important to Charles. Really important. And important to your relationship, too.

Well, at five months of dating, you finally take it to the next level of intimacy with him. Let yourself trust him enough. And once his tongue is intertwined with yours, it's hard not to melt into him and let him have control- let him go as far as he wants.

And God, you forgot how good that feels.

Of course, he doesn't do anything, or take any step, without making sure it's okay with you first.

Charles, as you realize after, as he tenderly holds you and lavishes you with affection, can have his way with you, if he so desires.

You're not sure if this fact makes you excited or terrified.

Perhaps both.

And at six months of this, you have your first argument, merely days after Charles presented you with a lovely dinner at an expensive restaurant for your half-year anniversary.

You didn't even know that was a thing, let alone that Charles was going to celebrate it.

But he seems to celebrate just by the fact that all of this is actually happening.

Your head spins with you think about all this actually happening.

The argument starts when Charles flat out comes out saying, as you drive to one of Y/s/n school events, "On Saturday, we're going out on the boat."

"Who?" you ask, looking up at him.

"You, me, Arthur, Lorenzo, Y/s/n."

"No, we're not," you say, your eyebrows knitting together.

He frowns. "Why not?"

"You can go do that, but you can't just make plans so suddenly like that and expect I'll be available."

"What have you got going on, then?" he frowns deeper.

"I promised one of Y/s/n's friends' moms that I would watch her kid," you grumble.

Charles makes an annoyed little sound, saying, "Why can't you take him out on the boat?"

"Don't be ridiculous! There's no way I'm taking someone else's kid to Monaco to go on a boat ride with my boyfriend and his brothers!"

"Couldn't you ask?"

"No!" you glare. "That's so impolite! There's no way I'm asking that."

"Please?" he groans. "Can you just say something came up?"

"Charles, it's your fault for scheduling something so suddenly. I'm sorry; I can't go. Maybe you can just take Y/s/n."

"But I told them you would be there!"

"Told who?"

"My brothers! They haven't seen you in so long- they're so glad to hear we're back together. Come onnn."

Your jaw clenches in annoyance as Charles pulls into the parking lot. "Why would you say I'm going to be there before you've even told me about it?"

"I don't know!" he groans. "I wasn't thinking!"

"Clearly," you snort ruefully as he parks. "You know, I think it's obnoxious of you. You can't think you can just make plans for our whole family whenever you want. That's just not fair. You're not in charge here; you need to check with me, first."

"Sorry! I didn't know!" he complains.

You scoff a little, unbuckling your seat belt, "You sound like Y/s/n when he's in trouble. Grow up a little. You should know."

It makes it easier, still having everything in your mind of what this same man did to you years ago, to get mad at him, for little things.

And in that sixth month, things like this start happening more and more.

You lay in bed, alone, since Charles wasn't able to come over, staring up at the ceiling.

You're nervous. What if this wasn't the right thing, after all? What if you're just going to break up again in the end, and this whole thing will be a waste that just leaves things even more in shambles than they already were to begin with?

Your head pounds, and you start to sweat a bit as you think about this, running your hand through your hair as your breathing quickens.

So when you hear a knock on the door, already in your slightly panicked state, it feels terrifying to get out of bed and pad towards the door, trying to be silent, as to not wake your son up. You stand up on your tip toes to peek through the peephole, and sigh in relief when you see it's just Charles.

You grab the doorknob with your clammy hand and twist it open, whispering, "Charles, why are you here?"

His hands gently meet your waist as he walks in and shuts the door behind himself. "I missed you. I knew I wouldn't get here until late, but I wanted to see you."

You nod slowly, taking this in, "Oh- Okay."

He looks concerned, though. "I thought you would still be awake. I'm sorry. It looks like I woke you up."

But you shake your head 'no.' "I was just laying awake in bed."

"Mind if I lay with you?"

You shake your head again, and you head to the bedroom. Once you're both safe under the covers, laying side by side, Charles says, "You seem troubled. Is something wrong?"

You sigh, thinking for a few seconds, before saying, "Just thinking about us."

He looks slightly nervous, but nods. "I have been, too."

Your eyes meet, both of your heads turned to face each other. "Oh, yeah?"

He nods. "We've been arguing more. About silly things, but I've seen a common theme in all our arguments."

You swallow. "What's that?"

He finds your hand under the blankets. "It usually all starts with me, not being thoughtful enough. I'm sorry. And ever since I've realized this, I've been trying to think of your good and Y/s/n's good more often, instead of mine, and what I want to do. It's all a process, but I just wanted to let you know where I'm at... because I think we've both learned from experience that communication is key. And I know the right thing isn't to let this end. Okay?"

You nod, squeezing his hand, a certain relief filling your whole being. "Yeah. That sounds good. I'll try to give you the benefit of the doubt more often, and remember you're trying your best, and nobody is perfect. Even," you give him a tired but playful little smirk, "if sometimes, you sure do seem f*cking perfect."

He chuckles and comments, "Coming from the most drop dead gorgeous woman I've ever laid my eyes upon."

You giggle a little, cuddling closer to him. He wraps his arms around you, and you murmur, "Will you just stay awake for a bit? Just talk to me. I want to hear your voice."

He smiles softly, plants a kiss on your forehead and begins whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

The last thing you remember him murmuring before you drift off is: "I'm so glad we can be here, right now. Together. You feel like my dream, coming true. But you've had a long day, and you've worked hard. So you can go to sleep now, baby, and let me hold you while you sleep."

And you do just that.

You lean back, lounging next to Charles, looking up at the beautifully painted sky. As the sun sinks, it looks like the horizon has been painted with all different bright strokes of a brush. It casts a golden light on everything, and reflects on the bright blue expanse of water, lighting up your world.

Charles has been talking of you moving to Monte Carlo with him. Moving back to Monaco.

And this day sure makes the idea tempting. Driving around with Charles in his luxury car, with the wind in your hair, to meet Y/s/n, Pascale, Lorenzo, Arthur, and your older sister, Rebecca, at the boat. Then swimming a bit in the water when the sun was still high. And once it started sinking lower, to sit out on the water, back in the boat eating your dinner with your loved ones surrounding you.

You had started with simply, raising your glass to the sky, "Cheers to the beautiful evening!"

Pascale had put in, "Cheers to our lovely family!"

"Cheers to to the yummy food!" Y/s/n had squealed, stumbling over his words a bit as he copied you two and stuck up his cup of apple juice.

"Cheers to Y/s/n being my favorite nephew!" Arthur had laughed playfully, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Your only nephew," you had teased with a grin.

"Cheers to the young at heart!" your sister, Rebecca, put in with a grin, looking out at the lovely sea.

"And cheers to a good life, hm?" Lorenzo had added with a glimmer in his eyes.

Just as everyone was about to clink glasses and drink to it, Charles put in, looking at you straight in your eyes and wrapping his arm around you, "And cheers to forever."

Cheers to the young at heart, a good life,

And forever.

No one sees it, but for some reason, with all the loving people around you, all the laughter and joking and joy, that brings a tear to your eye.

Because this is what I want. This is want I want.

Forever.

So now you shut your eyes against Charles, feeling the warm sun on your body. You listen to Charles's heartbeat. You listen to Arthur playing with and chasing around Y/s/n. You listen to Pascale in the kitchen, humming as she gets the sweet desert ready. You listen to your sister and Lorenzo, standing at the railing, talking softly as they look out at this beautiful world.

And it is a beautiful world, isn't it?

Your eyes flutter as your heart feels whole.

Isn't that just part of this romance?

Nine months of this, now, and you don't want it to ever stop. You don't want to ever let go of it.

And you feel Charles's warm breath on your ear as he gently whispers, "Forever, Y/n, right?"

You grin, nuzzling into him, wrapping your arms around him. "Right. Forever."

Author's Note: I was thinking of writing an epilogue to this originally, but after how this ended, I don't know, because I might want to just leave it hanging like that. But what do you think? Because if you guys want an epilogue, I'll write one.